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- OutofHisCloset
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Re: My husband is now a woman/our story/ Looking for feedback
Scared,
Yes, I experienced both things. Seems like every article I could find featured couples who stayed together. I did notice, however, that the trans spouses were the focus, and the wife was not ecstatic to go along but resigned to it. The assumption is that the woman--the real woman--accommodated.
Also, I used to refer to this "aping" of me as "creeping on me." Not so much that my stbx copied my gestures or attitudes, exactly, but that he was trying to absorb my sexual responses so he could pretend he was having them (mapping what he did feel onto female sexual response and characterizing his own bodily responses as what females feel). He did do some copying, using the same deodorant and lotion, for example. I also saw it in some of his interests--suddenly he started being interested in the natural world, which he's never cared a whit about. It started to really annoy me. I didn't want to be his model for how to be a woman, especially as at the same time he was acting out hyperfeminine caricatures of behavior and dress, and I eschew both.
Living with someone who is appropriating woman and femininity, and rejecting heterosexuality and male sexual response, is a traumatic assault on your own sense of self. It certainly was for me. Especially when my stbx was acting as if any doubts or hurts I had were attacks on him. This is one reason I say that the longer you stay in this situation the more you will have to heal from.
My experience and what you've written so far tells me that you will be/are the one compromising and trying to adjust, but your partner will not be/is not willing to do that. That he is riffling through your clothes bag and aping your gestures and attitudes tells you that he has no understanding for your position, is willing to appropriate your clothes and personality, and will not respect your boundaries.
No one wants to make love to themselves, as if they are looking in a mirror...except these autogynephilic transwomen, because they're in love with themselves as women. They're really just watching themselves and getting off on it. We're just bit players in their romance with themselves.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 28, 2018 2:48 pm)