Daryl wrote:

Tyurk wrote:

Also, my spouses family is mad at me and it sucks. I did nothing wrong. And they are treating me like somebad wife as well. They cant understand why this is a problem?!

Do they know everything or just your spouses version of events? He's already trying to make what happens to him as being your responsibility by your leaving or staying. Why wouldn't he be crying 'woe is me' to others? Another possibility might be that your in-laws see his 'inclination' as a 'sickness' that can be cured, even though studies suggest conversion doesn't work. Or are they focused on the porn addiction as being the only problem?

Sadly, after going through our individual circumstances, many of us have lost people we considered as family. Unfortunately there is little you can do about it.

Daryl,
So his mother knows everything and has urged to keep us together for the last 7 years. He told her immediately after me discovering the email to a man and threatening divorce. But I dont discuss it with her into detail. So I guess I dont really know what he has said for sure just that he tells me he has told her all. Fast forward to now, he has told his brothers and dad that he is Bi. He says he did it so they would understand our separation and not be mad at me. Well. That didn't really matter. 1 of his brothers literally hates me now. He feels he has to be insanely loyal to his brother and hate me. When his brother, my husband doesnt want him to hate me.
His brother told me there is a special place in hell for people like me and my family. And get this: my lil brother is Gay. I love him to death and I dont give a shit. But its my brother. His brother and his fiance think im a gay hater ect. Come the fuck on! And his mom is mad now, saying "you are such a good man, I dont understand why its so hard for her." Pshhh.*eyes roll*


And im so sad. My own family isnt that great or there for me very well. So his family has been like my very own. His mom my mom. His brothers my brothers. Now ive lost that as well. Its devastating to see where I stand on level of importance.

Duped wrote:

His family are as bonkers as him Tyurk. They are totally out of order.

Spend as much time as you can with normal people, for the contrast, cos these ain’t that.

Seriously. Im surrounded by nut jobs. No pun intended. Hahaahaa

Tyurk,
    Surrounded by nut jobs is not a good place to be!  That his family is there braying at you is a big problem.
Who do you have on your side? Who stands with you? Who is your sounding board, the person who can help you counter and re-frame the damaging messages and thoughts?  If you don't have a good counselor schooled in trauma, you really need one.  It's very hard to think oneself out of an echo chamber.  Getting away to a place on your own, or getting him out of the house, would also be helpful. 

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Tyurk,
    Surrounded by nut jobs is not a good place to be!  That his family is there braying at you is a big problem.
Who do you have on your side? Who stands with you? Who is your sounding board, the person who can help you counter and re-frame the damaging messages and thoughts?  If you don't have a good counselor schooled in trauma, you really need one.  It's very hard to think oneself out of an echo chamber.  Getting away to a place on your own, or getting him out of the house, would also be helpful. 

OOHC,

thank you. Agreed. I need a trauma therapist asap. My goal this week is to find one.

His family cant stop being hurtful. Mine has said NOT ONE DAMN WORD TO HIM!

I freaked out a lil last weekend after being told he is more gay than straight, bought gay thongs, because he is sure I want to leave him. And i made a dumb, vague, dramatic post on FB. Yes immature
Forgive me. So,  I got a txt from his nana. (My nana, she used to be) Ment to be to my mother in law (our names are similar and 76 yr old dont know how to use new phones that well) it said:

"What is Tyurk doing on facebook? She is being a little melodramatic!!!!"

I saw this txt and so much rage rose up. I didnt hold back. I said:

"Well...she just found out her husband is Bi and would rather have sex with men than women. So forgive her if she is being melodramatic!!! And the whole family has turned on her and judges her parenting cause she doesnt want to be at home hardly now!!!"

Nana did not know. She is old fashioned and it was unsettling for her. But she loves him. I wasnt trying to give the woman a heart attack but im in a damn corner and I have the claws out.

And I feel a little shitty about the way I told her.

Last edited by Tyurk (March 11, 2018 12:29 pm)

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Last edited by Duped (August 28, 2019 1:46 pm)