You're not crazy. You were blindsided and it takes some time to process (yes, months sometimes).   But you do need to give some serious consideration to what is going on in your own home.  Your own bed.  Assuming he doesn't bring home an STD, at the very least one of these nasty individuals could deposit crabs onto your furniture or your bed sheets. 

Good for you for staying on the down low and keeping an eye on what he's doing.  But....that is of no help if you prefer not to act on it.  I know the feeling of having a lot of the same friends.  I've kept his secret to all but one of them because I knew they could remain friends with both of us regardless of the truth - and they kept it to themselves.  However, I kept his secret because I had no evidence of hook ups or having people in our home.  I don't think I would have been a very good secret keeper had I found out he was hosting men at our home.

What if you read what you wrote as if it were one of your sons telling you their wife did this to them?  Would you want them to allow this to continue happening to them?  I still can't get past the fact that it's your OWN HOME he's hosting in while you're out working 12 hour shifts.

I don't want to scare you but I think you need to know the truth about what could happen - and what has happened.  I've told this story here before.  When I was 19 and still living at my parents house, our next door neighbor was murdered.  He was retired, had three grown sons, and from the outside seemed like a great guy.  Every night after his wife went to bed he would work on his Camaro as a hobby.  That would sometimes involve driving it around to test it so no one thought a thing of him driving out of the neighborhood (sometimes in the middle of the night).  One time, when his wife left to go see her mother in a different state we realized no one had seen him or heard from him in days.  Turns out he had been cruising gay bars for years and when she was away he would pick up strangers and take them to their home.  But this time the young gay man robbed him, hit him over the head with a lamp, and killed him.  Then took off in the Camaro.  He was killed right next to my bedroom window, about 40 feet away.  The neighbors found him by looking through the back door. 

Sounds like it couldn't happen doesn't it?  But it happened - long before there was craigs list, or the internet, or cell phones.  And if he could meet that many men by just driving around, think about how easy it has been for your husband to invite complete strangers into your home at the click of a mouse. 

please reconsider staying.  I know you say he loves you like crazy but I promise you, no one would do this to someone they love that much.  There has been no consideration for your health or your feelings here.  Please stop having sex with him.  Lifestyle is not worth what he's doing to you.  I know it's tough, I gave up a lot.  It's just not worth it.

Confused 825....I definitely know what you are going through and can relate to so many things on your post here.  I discovered my "partner" who is living in MY home when I figured all this out was on the CL doing M4M solicitation while I was away out of state comforting a family member who had just lost her husband. This was over 2 yrs ago, the shit hit the fan and I was given the most ridiculous stories and reasons why he was soliciting sex on CL....what I think did it for me was that I discovered a nude pic on his phone and on Valentine's Day!  I had broken an engagement to him a few years earlier for other reasons, moved out and purchased my home here and stupidly allowed him back into my house.  I didn't know about any of this(well, in hind site, there were big red flags), so here we are 10 yrs later, living together and I'm financially dependent on HIM after taking an early retirement.  After all the victim ranting, arguing and him swearing he's NOT gay and was "just breaking chops" on CL, I let it go and told him IF I ever discovered any of this again, he'd have 30 days to get the hell out....ironically, we haven't had ANY sex due to his impotence(since I've known him) which probably kept me in denial the past 2 yrs and he "appears" to be out of that scene....so until I found this site last week, I've been living a very satisfying and fun lifestyle.  We are both athletic so quite busy with sports and competitions, etc.  I can't return to my career due to the stress and I'm probably not as sharp as before to hold down the same type of job(same as yours) and it paid decent!  So right now, I'm stuck wondering how a guy can treat me so well, financially provide for me(he pays half my household expenses) so to think of taking a clean break at this point would mean selling my home with a high mortgage still attached!  When you start reading all the other posts here, you'll see how many of the stories are the same.  Our total shock learning all this, what to do with all this and how to get through it.  I probably feel the same as you(I'm a few years older), love him and especially for me, he's spent so much money updating this house, that I can't fathom him betraying & risking all this in this way.  My partner has and probably NEVER will admit to being gay but its clear as day after reading these posts, that he IS....my dilemma is what to do with the info....In the last few days, I've been to the bank to ask questions on how long it would take to pay off my damn mortgage(he's put MORE into fixing up this house than I owe on the mtg) and I know he'll fight me tooth and nail to retrieve monies he's paid into this.  Went to a lawyer also to find out the laws in this state dealing with all these concerns IF I sell, etc.  PHEW....All the character traits I found in him to be very positive will now work against me....he is very intelligent, well read, articulates well and VERY shrewd.  He's loved by my family and grandkids and is very personable and emeshed into this community with clubs and friends, etc....He fights for everything and usually wins bc he's patient and determined.  He's a real "right fighter" in arguments and rarely apologizes!!!  I'm definitely NOT looking for an apology but want him to KNOW I know about his double life.  I'd like to think me discovering all the shit on CL was a one time deal but in hind site again, I see all the other signs that he's probably continuing to carry on.  Just can't figure out how someone would want him if he's impotent but not naïve knowing there are other sexual favors he can perform and receive in this crazy lifestyle....so what to do since I'm presently a prisoner financially, right now in my own home!!!! Pretty shitting stuff to deal with in my retirement.  Thank God, I have Medicare and my health!!!  IF I were having sex with him, he would've been OUT as soon as I could get a moving truck.  That's the BS that would scare the crap out of me....please, please read these posts and see all these hear wrenching stories and know that your life as you know it was/is a lie....I'm sorry to say this but again, I know exactly what you are going through...I'm living it NOW....

Would you react differently if all of these secret trysts were with females?

Kel

 "it is my first thought in the morning and my last thought at nite"   That is your traumatized brain telling you that you are unsafe.  You are not crazy.  It will take time for all of this to sink in. 

Retired&Lost,

You might want to consider your partner's impotence with skepticism.  My STBX had ED for our entire 30 year marriage and viagra did not help.  Turns out he did not have that problem when he was with his boyfriend ... My female body was just not arousing enough for him.  I was a fool to not figure that out long ago.