thanks Paraceleus - yes it feels like that to me too - the world's best kept secret.  

I do think bisexuals have same sex attraction, not opposite sex attraction.  and this becomes more apparent with age.

Demons-halo what you say about your lesbian wife fits my trans husband (male who wants to be female) to a T.  The same selfishness, the same coldness, the same blaming, the same resentment, as if I trapped him in a marriage 35 years ago and he never had the free will to get out.  He also said, last year, that he wished he'd been able to transition as a young person (he's 61), which meant he was wishing away our relationship and our son together.  
  I moved the first big things into my new apartment today.  He helped because, as he said, "it's the least I can do for your getting in before April 1 and saving us the stress of living together."  I will spend my first night there by myself on Tuesday.  I started the day in tears, but after three hours with him, despite his help, I'm more than ever convinced divorce is the right thing. 

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Demons-halo what you say about your lesbian wife fits my trans husband (male who wants to be female) to a T.  The same selfishness, the same coldness, the same blaming, the same resentment, as if I trapped him in a marriage 35 years ago and he never had the free will to get out.  He also said, last year, that he wished he'd been able to transition as a young person (he's 61), which meant he was wishing away our relationship and our son together.  
  I moved the first big things into my new apartment today.  He helped because, as he said, "it's the least I can do for your getting in before April 1 and saving us the stress of living together."  I will spend my first night there by myself on Tuesday.  I started the day in tears, but after three hours with him, despite his help, I'm more than ever convinced divorce is the right thing. 

Saving us the stress of living together?????
What a prick. I can see my wife saying the same thing when I finally say enough.
Which I think today at least mentally I took my first step towards that. But it's always one step forward two steps back. She has a surprise coming when I take the bank card from her and tell her she can live how she pleases and I will do the same. Which also covers telling my kids the truth and not the crap that she spouts that puts her in I'm the greatest thing ever territory. Someday it will happen.
I have been told on many occasions be the Dad I have always been and sooner or later they will see who she really is and the lies she has told. It breaks my heart because I don't want them to see that. But I have to remember it's on her not me.

Demons-halo,

I agree with you - from my reading here, it seems that the way the gay female comes out to her str8 husband is entirely different than the way a gay male comes out to his str8 wife.  Namely because the gay husband rarely does come out to his str8 wife - he just strings her along with lies and manipulation.  The gay wives typically do exactly the opposite - they come out and almost immediately afterward begin to morph into someone that their str8 husband doesn't even recognize.

I've heard it said before that a man will often need someone to leave FOR, while women leave because they are just..... DONE.  I can't say that I wholeheartedly agree; I've seen plenty of men leave just to get away from the torture that they believe their wife to be.  I have not, however, known many str8 women who've left to be with someone else - they seem to leave because they've had more than they can continue bearing.  Oddly though; it seems that a lot of the gay wives here leave because they've fallen in love with another woman - or at least fallen in love with the newfound experience of being with a woman sexually.  I'm not sure what that means.  Does it mean that the gay wife was done with him long ago, but just couldn't move on due to obligations and guilt, until she found someone else? I'm not sure.  Being a straight female, I have no expertise in the area of how a gay woman thinks/feels.

But yes - I've noticed the same scenario play out over and over again here.  It is curious to me how and why the scenarios seem to unfold differently. Maybe it's due to society's views on women and men's roles and behaviors in general?  Women aren't "weird" if they touch their female friends a lot, compliment them, talk to them incessantly, sleep in the same bed on trips away from home, or even appreciate their beauty. Men, by contrast, are not typically comfortable with any of these things with their male friends, and so the straight male stays far away from any and all of them. Which means that a GID male has to hide his behavior, while a GID female can go right on fostering closeness without any suspicion. Gay men in our society will also be met with a different acceptance than a gay female will.  Two gay men walking around together or living together will almost automatically be suspected of being gay. Two women walking around in public together? Not so much. Even if they're holding hands, we still don't really know. This might just mean that a GID female can have plenty of time to explore her feelings before she HAS to come out; whereas a GID male has to do it all in secret - and then it becomes habit.  I'm not sure if this theory has any validity - just kind of spit-balling here.

Kel

Delete post.

Last edited by Lynne (April 25, 2020 11:48 am)