OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Please be aware this is a public forum, do not post any personally identifiable information you do not wish to make public.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.


  • Index
  •  » Support
  •  » Have I gone insane?

    • 1 2 3  Jump to

     

    February 11, 2018 4:24 am  #11

    Roo
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Walkbymyself, 
    I checked the history on his computer when he was out of his office (we have a business together, just the two of us). That's when I saw that he was on several gay hook-up sites and craigslist. I decided to sign up on the ones that I know he was using. I use the incognito window so my history does not show, although if someone is good at IT I'm sure they could see what websites have been visited. Anyway, once I joined, I searched the areas around us. There was his naked picture (no face)! Now it's just his junk. You would be amazed how many married guys are on this site and they are VERY descriptive on what they like and want. So....here I am with total proof!

    “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
     
     

    February 11, 2018 4:49 am  #12

    cindys
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Roo, I feel your pain, and I also have the fear about being alone. My discovery was 3 weeks ago, after 43 years of being married. We just brought our retirement home, and I felt I was living the dream, and now this betrayal.....BUT, now I have to take care of me. You have to take care of you. Hope and Acceptance, I have Hope that I will be OK and I will be happy again, and I have to Accept that my husband is gay and my "marriage" was not what I thought it was. Please take care of you, You have your proof, you have the truth. I would shut it down if I were you, take a positive step for you, you don't need to pollute your mind with anymore of his disgusting behavior.

    I wish you the very best.
    Always, cindy

     

    February 11, 2018 12:32 pm  #13

    Lyonene
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Rob is right. You can request logs from your cell provider (call them), with some companies sometimes the logs are viewable online. Simply login the main account.

    Routers can hold logs as well like Rob says. Belkins do. You can also request logs from your ISP.

    If you are wanting to recover deleted items from a computer, Recuva from Piriform will get the job done. Free prog, I've used it many times https://www.ccleaner.com/recuva

    If you need to recover deleted items on the cell I recommend Dr Fone from Wondershare https://drfone.wondershare.com/android-data-recovery.html

    Happy to help with anything you need. My secondary job is web development so my cache of security knowledge is pretty good.

     

    February 12, 2018 9:10 am  #14

    Roo
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    So, I can't be 100% sure he went to this club yesterday while I was gone because he did not set our security alarm when he left (because it logs it and we get emails when there is activity). BUT, the location on his phone got turned off, his laptop was offline in the middle of the day and since our alarm logs all activity of open/closing doors, there was no activity between 8:50am and 3:00pm. Highly unusual. That's a long time to spend at this place. 
    I'm home today so I will be making some calls. 

    I have made a call and this time I have an appointment. I just hope I'm strong enough to keep it. I'm scared to death.

    Last edited by Roo (February 12, 2018 11:37 am)

    “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
     
       •Thread Starter
     

    February 12, 2018 5:42 pm  #15

    walkbymyself
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Thanks, Rob.  i don't have access to his phone bills, but I could figure out the router, since it's my responsibility.  I know you just find out bad stuff ... but it might give me the push I need.

    ​What I keep thinking about is that Penn State guy, Joey Paterno, who molested all those kids, and everybody always wondered how on earth this went on for so long and his wife never suspected.  I don't want to be that wife.  I don't know what my husband is doing online, but if it's going to be something that is that sick and that illegal, it's better I do find out now.  Maybe I'm overreacting or imagining the worst, but I already know the formerly unthinkable and formerly impossible have turned out to be completely possible.

    I may take you up on your tech support offer!

     

    Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
     

    February 12, 2018 6:01 pm  #16

    Rob
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    I recall it well...  there I was snooping..  thinking "what the hell am I doing?...
    why do I have to do this? ..what kind of wife makes their husband hack like this?    ".   My answer..a cheating wife.
    Trust your gut... if you think they are hiding or doing something bad they are.  I'm convinced that mistrust and wondering we are forced to do is a form of trauma or abuse.   We should not have to wonder if our spouse is picking up a gallon of milk or having sex.  Doesn't matter if they are really getting milk..we should not have to wonder.   

    So very sorry..  You are not insane..

     

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

    February 12, 2018 6:39 pm  #17

    OutofHisCloset
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Roo,
       Yay!  Good for you!   I know how hard it was for you to make that call and get an appointment.  When you go there will likely have some kind of intake form; if it's like the one I filled out, it will ask for all sorts of financial information I didn't know (because I hadn't anticipated being asked).  Don't be intimidated by it; just fill out what you can, and then use the questions as a guide to help you find the answers.  
       I was nervous the morning I went to the lawyer's, but the office was very friendly, and the lawyer professional. 
       Again, a big step for you!  Good for you.

     

    February 12, 2018 7:09 pm  #18

    walkbymyself
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Rob, when I first found out, and I was wandering around in a complete fog, what kept running through my head was a quote from a Sherlock Holmes story I must have read ages ago: "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth."  Something I would have thought impossible -- that my husband (of all people) would actually cheat on me, that he would be gay -- turned out not to be impossible, merely improbable.  So now I may be unduly suspicious or something, and I may be reading things into the situation that simply don't exist, but I want to reassure myself that it's not even worse than what I already know about.

    Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
     

    February 12, 2018 7:42 pm  #19

    Lynne
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Delete.
      

    Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 6:47 pm)

     

    February 14, 2018 1:38 pm  #20

    Roo
    Member

    Offline


    Re: Have I gone insane?

    Well, I mentioned earlier in this thread that I didn't have proof he went to this club on Sunday because he never set our security alarm....now I do. He put a descriptive comment on one of the websites he is on so there is more proof. Seriously, how someone who is so smart can be so stupid! He's got to realize he is going to get caught some day, right??

    “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
     
       •Thread Starter
     

     

    1 2 3  Jump to

  • Index
  •  » Support
  •  »  Have I gone insane?

    • Board footera

     

    Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum