Welcome dob, 

I'm so sorry you find yourself here.  But I hope we can offer you a strong support group and help you get through this trial in your life.  You'll be ok!

I know there isn't much silver lining to see right now, but consider yourself fortunate that she that hasn't cheated on you yet and she's being honest with you (now).  The experience is much worse when your spouse cheats and lies and betrays you.  

I'm glad you went to counseling.  I would encourage you to continue going even if/when you decide that divorce is your only option.  That atmosphere is helpful for communication and that will become more difficult for you as you begin to distance yourselves from each other.    

I wrote a post a while ago that might be helpful if you are preparing for an amicable divorce (ie. one without attorneys:
http://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=774

Even if you do go that route it's wise to at least meet with an attorney for a consultation to start asking some questions (like.. what mistakes to avoid). 

Don't move out of your house!


Build yourself a support group.  We are the start of it. 
If you live near a major city you should consider finding a local face to face group:
http://www.straightspouse.org/test/face2face-support-groups/
Don't be afraid to tell a few close friends/family.  You are going to need them.  Don't be held hostage by her secret to the point where you make your life worse.  At some point you will look back and ask yourself why you protected a person who is no longer part of your life and didn't have your best interest in mind. 


Anyway.. welcome my friend.   Let us know how we can help. 

 

Hi dob,

I'm sorry you're in such a painful part of your life. It's not fair. The other women here are absolutely correct about you being exactly the kind of man that women want! I'm a feminist - a very strong, independent woman, and I love that my husband (I'm re-married after having been married to a gay ex) is very protective and even territorial about me. There's a difference between a man who's acting normal vs. jealous and/or obsessive over his woman. If you're nowhere near the danger line, then women LOVE that kind of thing. We love to "belong to" - as long as we also "own". Lol.

I know you believe that she's not cheated. And that may be correct. But I've been on this board for a loooong time now, and I think that most of us are duped in this area. There is opportunity where we never even know it exists, and HOW does a person know they're truly gay without actually trying the act? You can look at porn of weird things and think you like them, but you won't leave your marriage for that stuff without making sure it's what you really want, would you? Just ruminate on that for a bit. If your wife has a job as a realtor, you never really know where she's at or what she's doing - only what she's told you and what you believe. There's NOTHING wrong with you having believed her - why wouldn't you? I'm just saying that could easily have met someone (even just showing a home) and started seeing her every day when she didn't have showings. It's not difficult for a realtor to tell a client that she can't show them a home on X day because she has a closing that day, and then tell YOU that she's doing showings that day. You wouldn't exactly be following her around. If you asked her at the end of the day how her day was, she could tell you about a house she showed or a difficult client when it's all just really coming out of her memory bank.

Know too that a lot (most, if not all) of these gay spouses go through an "adolescent" phase when they come out - they become focused on their newfound freedom and exploration as a teenager would. They don't just become adolescent in their focus toward exploring their new sex life - they become as self-centered on themselves and have all the entitlements and lack of reality that any 17 year-old would. They will rage about how you need to get out of THEIR life, how this is their right - what they need. They seem to forget all about their responsibilities and commitments and just focus on themselves. Some of them never seem to come out of it. It has NOTHING to do with you. You do not deserve to be treated this way - but you may want to expect it.

Best to you.

Kel

So she knows you are on here Mounte? Has she read your posts?

I apologize for sounding a bit cynical and don't respond often to the 'mens' post. In all honesty it's hard to identify as much as what us women go through. But I'm sure the pain is just as great. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your young and I'm sure a great catch for a straight women.
We are all over the place. Not sure about the men....but maybe one day I'll find one. 
You and your family deserve authenticity. I'm sure you will get it soon. I wish you all the best.
Peace

The men are hurt.  Oh we are hurt.  I lost out to a dumpy shorter stereo typical looking lesbian.  I am 6'2" 200lbs an athletic build and a full head of hair!  0% chance!  Nothing you could have done.  Simple as that.  I am at the stage of getting smarter and looking after yourself and the kids.  No choice. A person that truly loves you would nerve role hurt you like that.  What a facade they have lived and are still living.

Fair enough.  More on her morales an ethics of "replacing " me as I was gone.  Doing things with my ex and the kids all the time.  That is why. She wasn't the most attractive but everyone has some beauty to them.  Thanks.