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Our Stories » Still Angry, Still Lost in Limbo after 30 Years... » November 14, 2021 1:38 pm

Limbo Lady
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I only have myself to blame for ignoring my gut hundreds of times/ways over almost 30 years about his sexuality, which he still won't admit. I rationalized away so many things. Believed so many lies. I'm the fool. The first thing I questioned was his mauve bedsheets, shortly after we started dating ("They were on sale; I'm frugal!" he laughed). He had hair highlights in high school and a body wave, and wore a pink tie for senior photos?? ("Everyone did - we all liked Miami Vice!"). He chose his favorite sports team because their jerseys are purple. He was in choir ("easy A! A way to meet chicks..."). Belong to a frat. Loved to play and watch sports and be in the gym. Something was off when he performed oral sex (gay guys don't go down on women, right?!). It didn't feel good...not familiar with his target to the point of pain. I gave him credit for trying and never had to endure it again for the next 30 years  His kissing (when it happened was also robotically bad. (He'll get better moves over time, right?!). And then we married for insurance reasons and he never held my hand - ever. It was humiliating to ask for natural affection, to coach, to cajole. So, I stopped. He was never jealous of other men who flirted with me. He just didn't want me to embarrass him in any way, socially. It seemed like he flirted with men at times, overly ribbing the same guy (no pun) at parties or going out of his way to buy farewell gifts for certain men he admired. He commented on a pastor's body language once - that he must've been a tight end in football. Meanwhile, I could walk past him naked while in the best shape of my life and he wouldn't even care. No use for breasts at all. Admitted he didn't really like touching women down there ("lots of guys don't!" he claimed). Since I'm a girl, I could never understand why men would like it, especially oral sex, so I believed him, even though my previous boyfriends seemed eager to enjoy it. He didn't care when I was ill or burdened, Let m

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