OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

General Discussion » Amazing changes coming to SSN » December 17, 2020 9:26 pm

Leah
Replies: 170

Go to post

Oh how wonderful Kel!  Your posts/work here were a life-saver to me!  Count on my donation too! 

Strategies for MOM's » Bi without experience? » December 10, 2020 10:50 pm

Leah
Replies: 6

Go to post

Okay, I hate to be a bit of a damp squib here, but I had a lot of trust in my X too,  I heard and thought all of the above thoughts.  We had many conversations where he was so sincere in telling me it was just curiousity and he had zero interest in living “that’ life.  And how he wanted only me... turns out he wanted a lot more than just lil ole me!  And so I wrote this article... There are many reasons to hide....the....truth!!!

https://medium.com/@ModernAcu/hiding-from-your-straight-spouse-b787f13f6ff

However, he was a very, very good liar.  He had dozens of experiences with men over our entire marriage.  I was crushed.  It was so upsetting.  Of course, no one’s experience is ever the same.  BUT many of these people who come out to their spouses are deceitful as that is why they deny that they have had the ‘experience’  our society does not support their journey and I’d say if you are religious at all and this is a ‘thing’ in your life, then I would urge you to at the very least see a counsellor who you can use to mediate an honest (if that is possible) conversation. 

But sorry I just realized this is in the MOM section...my ex is bisexual and remarried a woman with whom he is in a MOM, so.... if you know I guess it is different.  God I hope so for your sake's....honesty is good...

 

General Discussion » The Addicted Mind » December 10, 2020 10:39 pm

Leah
Replies: 1

Go to post

Thanks!  I hope people do listen!   -it speaks so clearly to the WTF-ness of what a straightspouse goes thru, the shattering of your reality, the existential crisis and life crisis that this betrayal trauma puts you thru.  It just felt so good to hear it all named and really explained.  Time does not heal all wounds.... there are things you can do and look at that help - this is one....

General Discussion » The "Other" Other » November 29, 2020 9:39 pm

Leah
Replies: 52

Go to post

God I wish someone had sent me such a message!  Years, literally years of my life wasted would have been avoided....

Good job Buck!

General Discussion » "Had to check it off the list"....... » November 29, 2020 1:14 pm

Leah
Replies: 20

Go to post

I wouldn't expect too much 'truth' from someone who is exploring something he is loathe to admit to.  It is just toooo hard....

I was told by my GIDX that his decades of cottaging was just acting out to be naughty, that he had never had sex with anyone...highly unlikely scenarios by any standard.  The ironic thing that still makes me laugh/cry is when he was confronted and confessed that had an affair with a woman - he told me his motivation was -  to 'check' if he was gay!  I guess the wife and three kids was just not enough 'proof'!!  

Excuses for bad behaviour are just that - excuses.  Lies and deceiving someone you love is not something you put on a 'list'.  Seriously!  

General Discussion » The Addicted Mind » November 29, 2020 12:24 pm

Leah
Replies: 1

Go to post

Perhaps someone has already posted this, but I just found it and am listening to it and it is so good!  And helpful...
So good to see this recognized!!  The shock and the rage.....

There are two parts.  And it felt like balm on my soul as it spoke to all the trauma so clearly!   Pt 2 is great....

https://theaddictedmind.com/episode-21-relational-betrayal-trauma-marnie-breecker/

 

General Discussion » How Much Responsibility Should Be Taken? » November 29, 2020 11:30 am

Leah
Replies: 14

Go to post

Melanie, thanks so much for that link...listening now and it is very interesting and comforting to hear it named as abuse so clearly.  Integrity abuse....so spot on!!!

General Discussion » Triggered » November 29, 2020 11:12 am

Leah
Replies: 7

Go to post

WOW that’s a tough play to sit through with your daughter.  I remember you are still keeping quiet for him...extra tough.  <<<hugs>>>>
 

General Discussion » Getting Over Resentment - How? » November 27, 2020 11:04 am

Leah
Replies: 12

Go to post

The emotional title - getting over resentment of this thread drew me in.  It is hard when he is right there making all those efforts where you can see him....  I just imagine my ex and get triggered - so no wonder you are feeling resentful - if not angry and frustrated to boot!  

Getting away is one step closer, but the emotions will still surface now and then I find.  Resentment of the things he is doing for others that he didn’t do for you.  I still get rage-y when I think of my ex being honest with his new wife... though that is only heresay, so I’m not sure how honest such a man as my GIDX can be.  

Anyway as for the resentment, it feels like my work is to stay focused on my life.  And after a long marriage I am trying to rebuild a life and it is just so hard.  Good luck you you Rotties.  You deserve to be happy too, so make that your priority!  We can help each other here.  It is good.  X

General Discussion » Triggered » November 27, 2020 10:56 am

Leah
Replies: 7

Go to post

Ugh.  So sorry to hear this.  Stay in your lane.  Sending strength!  

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum