OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Support » I need your opinion » October 28, 2021 4:00 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 9

Go to post

Broom, that's overall good news. In my opinion, time to write all of your feelings, reasons, justifications, (none required) is all over now, there is no need or reason. The divorce should be all the explanation he requires, again, just offering my opinion.

You are in the last mile (so am I), hang in there, take care and be well.
 

Support » Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi… » October 27, 2021 2:19 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 13

Go to post

My stbx advised me he had been sexually assaulted after I discovered TGT. I believed him, I hesitated at first, but you know what, it sounded too real to me, to be made up, the more I thought about it. In addition, who I am to doubt him? Whether or not it is relevant to the relationship, will be dependent on each  individual relationship, I don't think you can make a blanket statement, that's my own opinion 

The fact that he has been sexually abused  doesn't translate to my issue or to my problem to solve, the one who has the problem, owns it, in my honest opinion. Its the actions taken by that partner and the choices they made during the relationship along the road that counts, not just based on whether or not sexual abuse occured, but it shouldn't be doubted, but the onus back on them to seek treatment and you go about your decisions. .

Support » Found his Grindr but he denies being Gay/Bi… » October 27, 2021 1:16 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 13

Go to post

There is no disputing that people who have been sexually abused as children have confusing issues with their sexuality and often do require help, which they often don’t recognize until much later. There are studies that prove this over and over again. 

It’s just my opinion, but I know it’s shared by many, many others. Speaking up against any type of abuse regardless of who it’s happened to, straight or LGBT+, I agree, we are all humans and discussion of abuse should be open on any forum, regardless of forum type, abuse trumps that. It’s when we remain silent that abuse, any abuse, is allowed to fester.

Strategies for MOM's » NYT is interested in interviewing couples in MOMs » October 26, 2021 4:35 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 9

Go to post

Lily, I agree with your comment. However, I believe,  it’s not as hidden, it seems to me as it used to be. We have statistics on the abuse of men by their female SO readily available now. It is a very true, sad truth that still doesn’t receive the public attention it is so deserving of.  It is starting to be made way more public now.

Is He/She Gay » He will Never Admit to Being Gay » October 25, 2021 7:19 am

longwayhome
Replies: 23

Go to post

Yes, I bet  we can all relate to what you are saying, they just don’t like you, period, you feel it, they deny it.

Please take care, it’s time for you now, yes?  Be well.

Is He/She Gay » He will Never Admit to Being Gay » October 25, 2021 5:22 am

longwayhome
Replies: 23

Go to post

Patience, I’m so glad you are t with him anymore. It was never you, it was him that is so true, but they make it all your fault in the end.

I like you, want to do something as well in my future. I would like to maybe talk to young girls in schools, not only about tgt, but a whole array of diff topics, including nsrcissism, toxic vs dangerous relationships, etc. That’s what I would like to do, or something along those lines. Time will tell

Take care, be well.

Support » Finding things » October 24, 2021 7:14 am

longwayhome
Replies: 37

Go to post

Wiltedflower, My heart breaks for you. I strongly suggest you follow the advice others are giving you. Please proceed with the most caution, not only for yourself but your daughter.

I made the mistake of being totally honest in the early days with stbx, I thought my whole relationship was built on honesty. I learned the hard way, you don’t have to. I didn’t know about this forum when I triggered what I thought would be an honest conversation with him. It was never an honest conversation, I was manipulated further. I can only ever share my own experience. Please be careful, especially with your heart, cause he won’t be.

I didn’t want to offer the following resources earlier, but based on his conversation with you and how things now seem to be evolving, I strongly urge you to review as much of the following reference material before any conversations with him occur.

I wish I had found these resources before I initiated my conversation with my stbx. I do caution you though, read as much as you feel capable of taking in. Little bits of info at time, ok. You go at your pace but watch and read the following resource, I so recommend for you. I’m so sorry, but it’s better to be warned ahead of time. Hugs.

The Secret Sexual Basement:
The Traumatic Impacts of Deceptive Sexuality on the Intimate Partner and Relationship:

https://secureservercdn.net/72.167.241.180/226.c7e.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/The-Secret-Sexual-Basement_7_6_21.pdf?time=1625615316

More articles by Dr Minawala:

https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/blog-3/

https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/thirteen-dimensions-of-sex-addiction-induced-trauma-sait-among-partners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/

Dr also discusses with BTR.org podcast host, here: https://www.btr.org/betrayal-trauma-symptoms-am-i-crazy/

Take care and post here as much as needed, people on this forum truly get it.

Is He/She Gay » I’m pretty sure he’s gay. » October 22, 2021 4:35 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 24

Go to post

Helpme25 wrote:

Blue Bear wrote:

I’ll cut to the chase.  He’s not straight, and sounds like he’s mentally destroying you. A better husband you do deserve.

He definitely mentally destroyed me
I don’t know how to get out
As for a new husband I can’t trust around my daughter

Helpme, I fully agree you need to do some planning, but that can be challenging under these types of situations. Your comment above, concerns me a little bit. Can you clarify what you mean when you say, ‘I don’t know how to get out’?

One day at a time. Take care.

Support » Wife of 10 years and 2 kids on our anniversary tells me she is queer » October 22, 2021 1:57 pm

longwayhome
Replies: 57

Go to post

My stbx,, once a long, long time ago, very early in the marriage, he brought this topic up, in a very, very general way. I, at the time was dumbfounded. I never gave him a verbal answer. I just got up and left the conversation. I thought that was sufficiently answered. It was for me, it obviously wasn’t for him.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Is this what you signed up for?  It certainly wasn’t what I had signed up for.

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum