OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+.


For more information about our recent name change, please read our press release or visit our website at https://www.ourpath.org.


BE A DONOR >>>

You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Support » Day 19 » August 20, 2018 3:48 pm

jacki
Replies: 17

Go to post

So I stopped counting days long ago and I am thankful for that!
I am moving forward with my life.  That feels amazing.  The divorce is nearly final, I went skydiving on Saturday for the first time ever, and I have been out on 2 dates, with straight men~I am excited for what lies ahead.  Of course I have shitty days still but at least I can fairly quickly move my thoughts to more positive things.  Things I can change.  
Life does go on and it will get better and better.  Thanks to all that are here to support the rest of us.

Support » How do I survive this? » July 12, 2018 12:12 pm

jacki
Replies: 298

Go to post

Thank you Phoenix!  Wow, it definately helps me~knowing that there is life after this.  I mean, I know it, but it is great to see it actually unfolding.  Super wonderful and exciting!  I can't wait to see what life has for me after this.  I must believe it is something wonderful too

Support » Day 19 » July 12, 2018 12:05 pm

jacki
Replies: 17

Go to post

Roo, 
Have you tried any 12 step programs?  It may sound odd, but I did go to S-Anon (it is basically for anyone affected by another person's sexual behavior).  I went to one on Tuesday night and am continuing to learn more and more.  Being that my husband was never really into me (sexually, intimately~conversation, physical touch, etc), when he said he was gay I thought, "ok, no wonder."  However after learning more abt sexual dysfunction (addiction or anorexia) I am not so sure.  I believe that PERHAPS he is gay, BUT he has A LOT of other sexual issues.  When I went to the workshop the therapist stated that there are plenty of closeted gay men that still have sex with their wives.  Just as there are plenty of sex addicts that have sex with wives, other women, other men, regardless of their orientation.  It is super fucking confusing!  What I know is that I (and you) deserve better!

Support » Day 19 » July 12, 2018 8:29 am

jacki
Replies: 17

Go to post

Good morning Roo,
So, about your question, actually, first let me share what someone with experience told me last night:
"You can't make logical sense of this illogical disease (sex addiction).  Nothing makes sense and you'll make yourself crazy trying to make it make sense."
This is NOT to say your person is a sex addict, I am trying to see if MINE could possibly be.  Not that it would change anything, it just may (may not, idk) help me to understand.  Though I immediately think of the above quote...
Anyway, I did learn A LOT about sex addiction and sex anorexia (my asshole's problem).  I also listened to a woman share that although her husband has been with more than 100 men sexually, he does not identify as being homosexual.  Not that confuses me except to think he doesn't have the balls (courage) to actually be honest.  The problem is, with addiction (any and all) naturally comes dishonesty, secrets, hiding, AND sex addiction is PROGRESSIVE.  Which means if at first it was about straight porn, reg sex, whatever, eventually it takes more, different to have same effect.  So for an addicted man that is heterosexual, it could and maybe does lead to more adventurous homosexual stuff.  It sure makes some sense to me...
It all still SUCKS!!!!

Support » Day 19 » July 11, 2018 7:28 pm

jacki
Replies: 17

Go to post

Day 41
So I feel like I havent been here in a long time!  Hope all is well with everyone.
So I went to that workshop for Healing Intimate Betrayal, it was hard, but good.  I learned A LOT!  I do have a question, has anyone been confused abt orientation vs sexual dysfunction/addiction/anorexia?  I was just reading a post from Roo I think and someone mentioned a disclosure.  I heard a lot about those in the workshop.  I, due to moving on/divorce, will not be pursuing a disclosure...Do most here have a disclosure/polygraph, etc?

Support » Healing hope » June 21, 2018 9:08 am

jacki
Replies: 10

Go to post

Thanks so much Phoenix!  I will absolutely reach out and look at both programs!!  Thank you thank you thank you.
Also, read your suggestion on the new threads and will begin now just updating my most recent one

Support » Single again » June 21, 2018 8:37 am

jacki
Replies: 6

Go to post

I tend to agree with Phoenix~move forward for YOU.  I personally do not see how a person could stay in the marriage with someone that is not honest about who they are.  Why would you want to stay?  Take care of yourself, your heart.

Support » Healing hope » June 21, 2018 8:30 am

jacki
Replies: 10

Go to post

lily, not sure I follow...do you mean the spouses/victims (that is who go to the workshop), what sex?  What do you mean by "their piece of the action now?"
It IS expensive, $4,000 for 5 days...and nights, and meals and lodging.  Still, expensive.

Support » Husband Came out Trans 2 YRS Into Marriage » June 21, 2018 8:26 am

jacki
Replies: 5

Go to post

Hang in there...use this site to help yourself.  You are not alone, my situation is different, but just as shitty, lonely, and just as deceitful.  That I think is the hardest~the lies and hiding and BS that they give to us.  I am sorry that you are hurting.  I am hurting too as are just about everyone here on this site.  Keep sharing, it helps me to get it all out.  I too have a 16 year old dtr at home (my other 2 girls are out of the home).  Somehow my dtr seems to be taking her anger out on me, not her father who lied to ALL of us...
Its sad but I have to believe that one day I will look back and say, thank God I caught him watching gay porn, otherwise I may have ended up living my whole life entwined in his lie!
My stbx was ALWAYS a pretty shitty husband...never had compliments or kind words for me or the girls, never was able to show me any physical affection (no kissing, hand holding, etc), rarely did we have sex~it was an on-going issue in our marriage for 25 years!!!  That is the part I have to let go: my guilt for staying in a marriage that didn't meet MY needs...
Today, there has to be something better for me...and YOU.

Support » Time for a seasonal check-in » June 20, 2018 7:40 pm

jacki
Replies: 54

Go to post

Outofhiscloset,
I tell EVERYONE why my husband left.  I figure, what I am suppose to say?  Then, oh, the truth, that is the appropriate answer.  If I had known the truth I would be in a much different place.  So, yeah, I tell them all!  I do wonder if its sometime not appropriate, but then I say to myself, what is not appropriate is lying to your wife for 30 years! 
My stbx went to my atty office today to sign the petition so that I didn't have to have him served.  That seems like a milestone.  I am also looking into a therapy prgm for myself to deal with this stuff, another "something."
I did some EMDR yesterday with my therapist and re-framed the situation to something like, my husband has not met my needs for many years.  His husband qualities stink and honestly, what am I gonna miss?  The familiarity, yes.  But he showed no real love, no real concern, but was all about what was best and comfortable for him.  So, if I re-frame the situation that way, it sure feels better.
Have a good night all.

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum