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General Discussion » ambiguous grief » November 9, 2022 5:00 pm

Thanks OoHC. I’ll track it down. Hope you’re doing okay.

General Discussion » ambiguous grief » November 9, 2022 4:55 pm

Thanks OoHC. I’ll try to track it down. Hope you’re doing okay.

Support » Bitter » November 9, 2022 4:35 pm

Anon, Your replay of your “tasks” reminded me of two of my favorite sayings when I was where you are now—and sorry to go “zen” on you but here goes:

“Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water.” ~ Zen Proverb

And

“The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

What these mean to me is when  the world is too much, we can choose to turn our attention inward. To focus on our homes and families and friends and pets  and the things we need to do to keep ourselves healthy and happy. Our lives are made up by the choices we make every day and the routines that keep us going. Our habits impact our health, which impacts every part of our lives.
The madness of this world can swallow us whole if we let it. Don’t let it. Take care of yourself no matter what is happening out there. Practice mindfulness. Focus completely on the task at hand. Let the world burn if it wants to. Life goes on. We keep going. We keep working, feeding our families, taking care of our pets, finding things to entertain ourselves and supporting our tribe. We choose peace, happiness and love over stress, fear and anger.
Chop wood, carry water, eat your vegetables, move, rest, play. Be responsible for yourself, your life and happiness. You are the only one who can make sure your needs are met. Even in the most menial of tasks, you are the boss of your experience. Take joy in the small things — sometimes those are the big things. Thinking of you and so very happy to hear your healing from surgery. XO

Support » closeted husband dating again » October 17, 2022 5:25 am

Oohc, I’m thinking if you and sending you strength as you grieve the loss of you mother AND deal with truly getting out of his closet. The truth will set you free.

Support » I just can't do it. Why can't I do it? » October 7, 2022 9:06 pm

I’m happy you could still be a mother, Elle. That matters. And so sorry your son is struggling.

Support » closeted husband dating again » October 7, 2022 8:56 pm

Oohc—problem was 3000 character  limit so I sent it in two tranches and those did show up as “sent” this time. I can’t recall when I first posted here… Sometime between 2012 (the “discovery”) and 2016 (the divorce).

Support » closeted husband dating again » October 7, 2022 4:22 pm

Okay OOHC. I just sent my query piece  to you via Private Message function. I hope it helps you to know you are never alone. Keep posting!

Support » closeted husband dating again » October 7, 2022 6:04 am

Good morning OOHC, I identify completely with your conundrum as I’m in the same place  (except I recently told my adult sons my truth about my experience with there father). I see you and me in a true ethical dilemma vis a vis the new woman. I recently wrote to NYTimes Ethics column with my name withdrawn about this issue. My query about what to do has not been published but it was very helpful to me to process the dilemma on paper. Writing does that for me. I still don’t have my answer from me or anyone else and would be happy to share the piece I wrote in the private message function of this site IF I can figure out how to reach you through that. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope.

Support » I just can't do it. Why can't I do it? » September 20, 2022 6:25 pm

Hi E, Are  “money and comfort” worth being buried alive? And won’t you get money to live from in a divorce? And at least half of what brings you comfort? Try Listing your fears. Those are always related to  either losing something we have or not getting something we want. And take that list to a counselor or close friend.  I’ve learned there is a big difference between loneliness, isolation and solitude. I live mostly in the latter now and it’s peaceful. Please know we are here for you no matter whether you stay or go. I remember asking a therapist something like “when will I know when it’s time to walk out the porch door?” And she answered something like “when staying gets more unbearable than leaving.” You’ll know, Elle. In the meantime, take good care of yourself.

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