Hey - I am so sorry you are having that experience. I suppose I was lucky, in the sense I dated a few high quality women, both of whom were divorced and understood, at least to some degree, what I had/been through. Then, I re-met someone I knew from high school over 30 years ago. She was divorced, relatively same timeline. We just hit it off and now have been dating for 6+ months. I did not know I could experience joy, having been in a very non reciprocal relationship for over 20 years with a woman who had used me/lied to me from day 1. My point in sharing this is; when you find your person, they will understand and will provide you with reassurance...often. Mine does because she knows I need it, but also because I tell her when I need it. I am vocal about what I want and need, she is the same and its wonderful. 

I dont know the timing, but for me, it timed up when I decided to NOT date anymore. I found her almost by accident. I think because my mindset had changed; I did not need to date, I was fine by myself and I attracted someone with a similar thought process. 

Good luck - do not settle. If they ghost, they were not a good fit anyway. 

You have lots of great advice. I wish you luck! Sounds like she is being honest, didn't cheat on you, lie to you and disrespect you. If true, then she really does value the relationships, because HER ACTIONS match the words. Keep watching the actions, they tell all. I hope it works out for you man, definitely agree though, feel it all, do not do anything to numb it, doing so gets you through it faster because you deal with it vs. bury it. 

Hey Anon - I understand completely. My ex wife is not a good person for me and I dont believe she is good in general. That said, who cares? People tell me that while she is putting on a front that she is happy, they say they think she is miserable. You know what I think? I am indifferent. I reached a point where if her being happy or sad, it made no difference to me. 

How did I do that? I focused entirely on myself and my kids. I am 43, but just over a year ago, when this started for me officially, I began working out daily, eating better, meditating, got back into therapy. Now, a year later? I look ridiculously good, cut up (for a desk jockey), met a woman I went to high school with and started dating 6 months ago and am building a healthy relationship, strengthening my relationships with my kids and have never been happier. 

This isnt to say I havent been hosed. I have. I worked my way out of near poverty, worked while she earned a phd and supporter her opening up her own practice. Despite this, I will be losing half of everything I have earned in 24 years. All the things I wanted to do will have to wait, not because I did anything wrong, but because my ex is a lying sack of shit who never keeps her word and thinks its my job to care for her and her new girlfriend (not even the affair girlfriend, but another one) and her kid. I could focus on that, but I do not. 

Live your life. The more you focus on you and what makes you happy, the happier you will be despite all of the bullshit. Not easy, but I promise you it can be done. You are stronger than you realize. 

Be well, keep moving forward

So sorry MireP. Sadly common. I tried to be a "good partner" to my lying, narc of a wife. She simply took advantage of it, used it as an opportunity to start coming home drunk/high (waking the kids, being loud, inappropriate, etc). She also starting sneaking people into the house through a window (when she could easily have just driven to this person's house). She was/is a 42 year old, PhD level educated, child. Sounds like you are married to one as well. 
Despite you being accommodating, a child only thinks of themself. My ex is exactly the same 1+ year later, I don't think they change. Sean (a gay man, who posts here alot about his actions as a gay man married to ma woman) talks about this "coming out later in life childish streak. Says its fairly common among gay men living a lie. I would read his information, he is candid yet kind. 

Be well, I know it's blown your entire reality up. I was there a year ago. Now? Life has never been better (even though I have to take her to court because after all of this she still refused to sign the divorce papers). You will make it, just know it takes time and is a journey. 

So sorry Lightingirl - It's an awful experience, its invalidating, painful, on some days will take your breath away. I have been there. I am exactly 1 year out from discovery and  I can share with certainty, I am a new person entirely. Initially I felt I lost 24 years of my life with someone I loved very much. And in some regards, I did. That said, I am healthy for the first time in my adult life I can leave the house without xanax. I have been dating a wonderful woman from my high school who I did not talk with for about 25-30 years. Life is good. It will take care, and I encourage you to do what seems impossible, face every emotion and live in it. The only way to the other side is through the pain. 
If you can, and I KNOW you can, the other side is beautiful. It does not erase your past, but provides a blueprint for the future. Hang in there, early days are tough. It does get better. I improved exponentially once I went very low contact with her, I had to protect my own mental health. You do the same. Its YOU time