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Strategies for MOM's » Any good experiences moving forward??? » April 7, 2022 11:11 am

Harlow
Replies: 16

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I'm looking for positive stories of people who made this work.

Strategies for MOM's » Any good experiences moving forward??? » April 6, 2022 5:44 pm

Harlow
Replies: 16

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Elle
Do you have a positive experience staying married to your bisexual husband? I'm just seeing a lot of comments saying he's sleeping with men, probably been hiding it fir years, etc. Of course I want to hear it could be a phase, just curiosity, and my life isn't over. Does the fact that he had a grindr account automatically mean he "needs a man to feel fulfilled sexually" or could it just be an attraction he wanted to mildly explore. As I said, maybe I'm not straight as a ruler myself and some people would say a "straight" woman being turned on by lesbian porn means she's a lesbian. In this forum I think people would say I must be cheating with women, but I'm 100% committed to my husband and do not need a woman to feel sexually fulfilled. I'm just asking if anyone stayed married and it truly was just a phase and they are still happily married. I don't just want to hear what I want to hear, I just want to hear all sides of these stories and not just the ones that jump to the worse possible scenario.

Strategies for MOM's » Any good experiences moving forward??? » April 6, 2022 7:05 am

Harlow
Replies: 16

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I just joined this forum yesterday and feel like the responses I am getting seem to be all "doom and gloom." I posted my story under "is he gay" section, but to recap, my husband and I have been together 20 years, had a great relationship (both emotionally and sexually) with no red flags, except recent erectile issues that we assumed were medical (He does have medical issues.) Then I found his grinder account, which from what I can tell he has only had briefly and I'm fairly certain never went beyond chats. He seems truly sorry, says he's not "gay", but admitted to being "bi-curious." He says it was a phase and he realized he has no interest in sex with men, but does have some same sex attraction. Every response to my post tells me he's probably been cheating with men for a long time. I know I sound like I'm in denial but I just don't believe that. Is it possible for a bi spouse to continue being attracted to their partner and move forward in a loving, committed relationship. I even had a lesbian experience myself when I was younger and am turned on by lesbian porn, yet I self-identify as straight and have no interest in cheating with anyone regardless of gender. Is it crazy to believe my husband is capable of the same commitment???

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » April 5, 2022 7:08 pm

Harlow
Replies: 2093

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Thank you Sean! I greatly appreciate you doing this to help women in these situations. I was worried that since the original post was from 2016 I might not get an answer, but you respond so quickly! It's awesome you have kept this up and it is so helpful to get answers from the man's perceptive. I wanted to clarify a few things and get your opinion on some things after clarification. I realized my statement about our sex life might be unclear. The 50% performance is when unmedicated. We have great sex without viagra about half the time. If hes medicated he never has erection problems with me. I'm wondering if the inconsistency points to it being more medical or psychological. As far as his porn use, he knew it bothered me and hid it. I've always found the porn while snooping, so he may be watching gay porn as well, but the only porn I have found was always girl on girl. (Would he even be interested in girl-on-girl if he is gay?) I'm assuming he'd hide the gay porn in the same manner and I've never found that. I'm fairly certain my husband hasn't taken it further than chats. I know I sound like I am in denial, but during the time his account was active, he was working from home and socially distancing so we were literally always together, as far as appearance, my husband actually did the opposite and let himself go during this time (gained about 20 pounds, quit working out, no new clothes, hardly even showered.) He also had a golf ball sized epididimal cyst that he was very self conscious about, so I'm fairly confident he wasn't hooking up with anyone else. I do agree that his excuses are bull. Gay/bi aside, cheating on your wife during her mental health crisis is pretty shitty. He continues to swear he isn't gay. I wish he'd be honest with himself and to me. If he's bi, still attracted to me, and his sexual problems are medical, I want to make this work. I see no reason his attraction to men in addition to women has to be a deal breaker if he is committed to a monog

Is He/She Gay » Help » April 5, 2022 4:06 pm

Harlow
Replies: 3

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Thanks. Yeah it's definitely cheating as far as I'm concerned. Actually I think it's worse because it makes me question who he is and our entire relationship.  It's not like it's just a one time mistake we can move past, like if he cheated with a woman. I actually told him I'd rather him have slept with a woman than just chatted with men.

Is He/She Gay » Help » April 5, 2022 12:40 pm

Harlow
Replies: 3

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I am having a very difficult time and hoping to get some insight from others. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. There have been absolutely NO red flags. We had an amazing sex life until recently, when he started having erectile dysfunction that we suspected was due to some recent medical issues. (He has hypertension and has had 2 surgeries, including an epididectomy due to cysts in his testicles.) He can perform with me about 50% of the time when unmedicated and has no issues when using viagra. He has a history of porn use. (I'll note that it was always girl-on-girl.) This bothered me but wasn't a deal breaker. However, I recently discovered that he had a grindr account that he had been using (from what I could find on his Google account history) for about 3 months. This began during a mental health crisis on my part in which I was very distant, both emotionally and sexually. We were social distancing due to family health issues and covid so we were very isolated. He says he is not gay, but felt very lonely during this time and used grinder only to chat because he felt lonely. His reasoning is that chatting with men didn't feel like cheating as bad and he knew he wouldn't be tempted to take it further than just an online chat, as he might if he was talking to women. We decided to try to move past it and he has been amazing. He deleted the account, gives me all his passwords, not even any porn use that I have found since then. The problem for me now is that with this knowledge, I cant attribute his sexual problems to medical issues anymore. When he can't perform, I immediately think it's because he'd rather be with a man and get very emotional. We both avoid sex now and our relationship is suffering. I don't know how to move past it and I'm having a hard time believing he is not at least bi and questioning if he is still attracted to me. I don't know what to do.

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » April 5, 2022 12:01 pm

Harlow
Replies: 2093

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I am having a very difficult time and hoping to get some insight from others. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. There have been absolutely NO red flags. We had an amazing sex life until recently, when he started having erectile dysfunction that we suspected was due to some recent medical issues. (He has hypertension and has had 2 surgeries, including an epididectomy due to cysts in his testicles.) He can perform with me about 50% of the time and always when using viagra. He has a history of porn use. (I'll note that it was always girl-on-girl.) This bothered me but wasn't a deal breaker. However, I recently discovered that he had a grindr account that he had been using (from what I could find on his Google account history) for about 3 months. This began during a mental health crisis on my part in which I was very distant, both emotionally and sexually. We were social distancing due to family health issues and covid so we were very isolated. He says he is not gay, but felt very lonely during this time and used grinder only to chat because he felt lonely. His reasoning is that chatting with men didn't feel like cheating as bad and he knew he wouldn't be tempted to take it further than just an online chat, as he might if he was talking to women. We decided to try to move past it and he has been amazing. He deleted the account, gives me all his passwords, not even any porn use that I have found since then. The problem for me now is that with this knowledge, I cant attribute his sexual problems to medical issues anymore. When he can't perform, I immediately think it's because he'd rather be with a man and get very emotional. We both avoid sex now and our relationship is suffering. I don't know how to move past it and I'm having a hard time believing he is not at least bi and questioning if he is still attracted to me. I don't know what to do.

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