My first husband, father of my daughters, came out to only me as gay when the second one was about 18 months old. We stayed together for 8 more years and after the divorce he spent almost no time with his girls. He said he was happy we had daughters because he wouldn't know how to parent a boy - hates sports, etc. But he never took the time to get to know his girls either. But then he also never took the time to know me as his wife. I feel it's entirely possible that some men, regardless of orientation simply do not understand females and especially small child females. I'm not trying to give yours an out but I don't think this is an orientation thing. I think this is just a some guys thing. And that nonsense about you being too occupied? Whatever. Dude needs to get over himself.

When I was with another partner before this marriage we were into the BDSM scene. Also my current husband is into some of the same things yours is. Your husband's fetishes will not go away. Period. He will not outgrow them, he will not get tired of them. They are an addiction and he will need more and more until he crashes and then he'll take a break, maybe even throw it all out and then soon enough start again to collect things. If this was a long term marriage and everything else was good, meaning you still had a loving relationship I'd say you could maybe live with it. But I'm sorry I do agree with everyone else. End this marriage to set you both free. He needs more than you can give and to give it will destroy your soul.

You're doing great. Such strength. The road will be bumpy but you will find your way. Wishing you peace

He gets what he needs every other week. At least he knows he can depend on it. And I am "her" friend, not her snugglebuddy, I only snuggle with "him". Yeah, I know it's the same body but it's how I cope. 
I'm still trying.
I think if I hadn't so much betrayal in my past I might be able to be more open. But first hubby came out as gay and left me to raise the kids with no education to fall back on, and my second partner dumped me for an older wealthier woman when I got sick. So, y'know. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop.
Hubby is a good person, which is why I stay. I'm just wondering why I can't get one "normal" relationship in my life. sigh.
There was one change. There was an inheritance that would give me enough to manage carefully on for the rest of my life, if I went into low income housing. So it's in my personal account and I now have what I guess you'd call a safety net. It helps. It matters.
But I'd rather not be alone unless he goes full trans, in which case, that's my hard line.

In the case of my first husband it was to convince himself he wasn't gay, and to just have kids in general.  In the case of a woman it could be either or both of those as well. I know a couple gay women who had one night stands til they got pregnant, and never told the guy. Spectacularly unethical but it happens.