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Support » SSN Podcast 4/1 » Yesterday 4:28 pm

MJM017
Replies: 2

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I listened to the most recent podcast with guest Claudia Coenen.  Psychotherapy had its limits for me for many reasons for life events, TGT included. I listen to my intuition and read a lot for healing.

I do not agree with her or the host at the 37:00 mark-he didn’t know how to do any better than hide in the closet. Their experience or opinion doesn’t match what happened to me.  My GIDXH made a choice to lie and cheat. He did know better.

My GIDXH chose to suppress his conscience to take advantage of me. Am glad I dumped him. Am glad I cut off communication. I’ll be angry with him forever.

That’s helped me move on. Thinking about his behavior sentimentally has been the worst thing for me, & has prolonged my grief. Again, just my take on this. We’re all different.

General Discussion » Covid19/Coronavirus » March 29, 2020 4:22 pm

MJM017
Replies: 37

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We have been in full shelter in place since March 17.   I used to attend church daily to help heal, but those were closed on March 18. I am making do with YouTube, Netflix & waving at neighbors. Yesterday, we were told to exercise & shop only in our neighborhood. Otherwise, stay home. I don’t mind these precautions because they will save lives.

The lack of the tangible intangibles (like deep love, warmth, affection, respect, honesty) from GIDXH was heartbreaking.  He was faking it from top to bottom. I was not.

It’s wrong and immoral to know you are not straight & cover it up. That thought is accelerating my healing. I am thinking less of him.

I have a ways to go. I feel so much better lately though. I was hurting myself with the notions  society did this to him; it’s no one’s fault.  It was his fault.

General Discussion » Covid19/Coronavirus » March 25, 2020 9:13 pm

MJM017
Replies: 37

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I thought I was the only straight spouse (kind of rare)  when I found this board 7 months ago. I mistakenly thought the closet had died out years ago.  It’s still going strong, even among young people.

Support » Feeling Isolated » March 20, 2020 6:42 pm

MJM017
Replies: 9

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Dear Stefanie,

I’m very sorry this happened. It hurts like heck & takes a while to heal from.  At least he’ll be gone from your home in a matter of days.

FaceTime & telephone calls seem to be it nowadays. It’s tough but this shelter in place will save many lives. Take care & post as much as you need.

Is He/She Gay » Poppers aka Alkyl nitrites -Gay Party Drug » March 19, 2020 1:13 pm

MJM017
Replies: 1

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I am shelter in place and have a lot of time to research unusual occurrences in my past marriage.

Poppers are a very popular party drug for gay men as they increase blood flow within the body. This causes the anus to expand and enhance sexual pleasure.

My late GIDXH had a lot of medical issues coming on starting 6 years after our marriage. He developed varicose veins, had blood clots, deep vein thrombosis, 2 leaky heart valves, cellulitis, high blood pressure, headaches, & sleep apnea.These developed from ages 39 -45. I don’t have Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy. This list of ailments is astonishing to me.

He had problems with incontinence on a daily basis early on.  I refused to wash his underwear. It was smelly.  I had him do it. 

He stopped working because he was laid off at 49. He was by himself when I was at work each day.

Some days I smelled craft/hobby glue when I came home. Or the air would smell like Glade air freshener. The Glade was him but the glue wasn’t. He said a neighbor was probably using it.

These health issues could be natural causes and the smells innocent.  All of this is also indicative of popper abuse.  Poppers smell like air freshener or chemicals like glue. Popper abuse decreases inhibitions. It may explain his physical abuse against me. He may have been abusing Poppers for years.

I’m writing about this because it is a very popular party drug for gays and has been since the 1970s.  If your male SO has a spate of physical problems or your home smells of glue or air freshener, he may be abusing poppers.

Support » Heterosexual male being told his wife is bisexual - Please help » March 18, 2020 11:55 pm

MJM017
Replies: 7

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Adam wrote:

I have one question for you to follow up.  My wife claims that she does not understand yet whether she is attracted to men or women more.  There is no contest that she would ever explore another relationship with a man and I truly believe that.  Is it wrong to give her time to figure this out?

She may be bisexual. She can be sexually attracted to both men & women. There is nothing wrong with that.

It comes back to what you want to do. You thought you had a straight wife & that has changed.

Take care.

General Discussion » Straight husband being told that his wife is bi/gay - Please help. » March 18, 2020 6:50 pm

MJM017
Replies: 4

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Hi Adam,

You have a couple of threads going but will answer here. I am sorry you are going through this.

She is cheating on you. She can stop but she doesn’t want to.  That’s an excuse to keep the relationship going with her boss and stops you from taking the normal action - separation or honest talk & counseling to save the marriage. The latter would force her to leave her lover.  I don’t mean to hurt you, but it sounds like you’re being played.

She does not sound mature enough for a stable partnership. She is willingly having sex with her boss and risking her job in addition to the cheating and possibly stringing you along as she decides to leave or stay. She sounds impulsive, controlling & self-centered.  She’s blaming everyone but herself for her actions. That’s drama/trouble for you.  Then she is making you responsible for keeping her bad behavior a secret as you suffer in silence. 

Sorry to Abby in another thread, but I had a different reaction to a female boss. She made a play for me when I was in my early 20s. I had no attraction/interest and politely declined. I’ve had a few female gay coworkers express interest in me.  I had no interest and declined.  The ick factor came up with these women. My romantic & sexual interests are for men only. 

I would strongly suggest you seek counseling for yourself. Don’t include your wife. It will help clear your mind and may throw another light on your wife’s behavior.

General Discussion » "It's too late" » March 18, 2020 1:56 pm

MJM017
Replies: 23

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Forgiveness is an issue with TGT that I struggled with for a long time.  I wanted to be over the horror of this mess AND forgiveness sounded promising.  Like you Ellexoh I couldn’t do it.  My psychopathic GIDXH screwed me over royally. What kind of human being does this to another?

It took a few years after his death to forgive him. I was tired of thinking about him constantly. It was overwhelming. I moved on to some fun hobbies. Am still angry at the injustice he perpetrated. I limit it to an hour the days the anger comes.

If he was alive, I would never speak to him again. Forgiveness doesn’t equal trust.

Those of you who still live together or share custody, you have my sympathy.  The ones who are toxic don’t seem to change for the better.

Is He/She Gay » Joe Kort on SSN Podcast » March 15, 2020 4:34 pm

MJM017
Replies: 4

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Joe Kort would be ridiculed & laughed out of town by the LGBT community in my very liberal city. I googled my city along with his name to see if he has given a seminar here. No. He has given many, many seminars elsewhere in the US.

He lacks scientific credibility - where are his double-blind studies proving these four criteria prove a man is or is not heterosexual?  There’s nothing at PubMed.

I am guessing he is a stamp of “professional” approval for a GIDH to continue wearing a straightjacket. (Pun intended)

Support » So confussed » March 13, 2020 4:09 pm

MJM017
Replies: 9

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Absolutely about the porn! Thx for the link.

I miss the old days where porn buyers had to face the postal carrier who delivered the mags or the liquor store/sex shop clerks. Shame & embarrassment come to mind!

One sign of a secret online porn habit is a sudden large number of  viruses on the laptop or phone. Disable any virus protection they might have on the sly.

The FBI & Europol plant viruses on porn websites. The same porn outfits distribute  kiddie porn. (Ewwwwww!) One way to discourage business.

My GIDXH’s laptop had many, many viruses.  He wanted me to fix it since I’m handy with tech. I found out the above when I was puzzled why he had so many & I had none.

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