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General Discussion » Can you remain friends? » July 15, 2022 7:19 am

Leslie77
Replies: 7

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We resolved to be friends during the divorce, two years ago.  Couldn't happen.  All his phone calls were whiney "Poor Me" attempts to try to make me feel sorry for him.  I told him repeatedly never to call me again. 

He texts me now & then on the pretext of seeing how I am doing but it's apparent that he doesn't really care because the "how are you?" devolves into a monologue of his new life, which is still closeted.  And he doesn't understand the hurt and destruction he caused me.  I moved away to another state so I never have to see him.  I somehow feel better hearing from him on occasion but the truth is, I hate him.  I could never be "friends" with someone who did what he did to me.  

Support » Anyone in the same boat? » July 11, 2022 7:23 am

Leslie77
Replies: 17

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I read your story and it sounds like a lot of the stories I've read on this Forum since I found it in January of 2020.  The issue that still stings, for me, is the realization that he had gay/trans attractions and desires all his life and married me without telling me.  A person who knew him for 40 years told me "I'm not surprised".  And there were all the little signs along the way that didn't add up because I wasn't looking for them but now they haunt me every day even though I divorced him and haven't seen him for over two years. 

Really, the only thing you can do, hard as it sounds, is to pick yourself up and stand on your own two feet - without him.  You don't need him and he sounds like a piece of crap.  He deceived you for years and won back your trust only to smash it to bits.  Bi now, gay later. 

He doesn't deserve you. 

 

General Discussion » He's getting comfortable and I'm getting frustrated » June 25, 2022 7:10 am

Leslie77
Replies: 6

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So sorry you are going through this.  I can relate.  The same situation happened when my first ex (not gay) and I decided to divorce.  He was trying to get sole custody of our teenaged daughter.  My lawyer advised me do not leave under any circumstances and my husband refused to leave.  He delayed the divorce and we were together for almost two years under unbearable conditions.  I ended up on anti-anxiety medicine for years.  

It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place.  My lawyer told me that guys generally don't leave unless they have a honey who is badgering them to do so.  I coped by making believe he wasn't there and trying as hard as I could to cultivate outside interests.  Don't be mean but don't make things easier for him, either.  Keep telling yourself that someday this will be over, because it will.  

I am thinking of you and I wish you all the best.  

General Discussion » What did you do with the ring? » June 5, 2022 6:58 am

Leslie77
Replies: 12

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Hi Ag!03,
I'm in the same situation as you are.  I took off my rings when we separated.  I loved them and was so proud of them.  Now I don't know what to do with them. 

The good news - they are considered yours to keep and you don't have to consult with him.  I think my ex was considering asking for my diamond back - after 10 years I found the receipt for it on his bureau.  I never would have returned it no matter what.  

The bad news - in all likelihood, you are not going to get much money for them.  A couple of months ago, I brought my set around to a couple of jewelers and dealers who buy jewelry.  My diamond was a half-carat platinum ring that cost $3,500.  My wedding band was also platinum and cost $2,500.  The highest offer I got was $800 FOR BOTH OF THEM!  I was told "there is no market for used wedding jewelry".  They apparently remove the diamond and melt down the metal.  Ironically, platinum is worth less than gold now.  One jeweler told me "your engagement ring is nothing special" (Ouch!)  

Maybe your rings will be worth more but prepare to be disappointed.  You could also try selling them on your own.  I'm eventually going to try the website "I do now I don't".  But not now, still feeling sad about re-homing the rings.  Like you, though, I feel bad seeing them sitting in a box in a drawer.  My kids don't want them and I certainly don't want to wear them anymore. 

Good luck! 

Support » Pride Month Triggers » June 4, 2022 6:41 am

Leslie77
Replies: 25

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Thanks,everyone.  That's a positive way to think of this - Pride is for those who are proud of who they are.  My ex liked to attend Pride events but he wasn't, and still isn't, owning up to who he really is.  

Good advice to ignore the whole circus.  

Support » Pride Month Triggers » June 3, 2022 7:32 am

Leslie77
Replies: 25

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I rarely post anymore, thinking that perhaps my multi-year trauma (ex-husband gay in denial and trans identifying) was subsiding, two and a half years after I left him.  Pride Month is re-triggering me.  

It's everywhere. I go to Kohl's and there are Pride T-Shirts.  Pride support commercials on tv.  Pride parades.  Even Pride hikes.  

Today I had a major trigger.  News article about an interview with Lynda Carter in which she declares that Wonder Woman is a queer icon.  It was timed to coincide with Pride Month.  This particularly triggered me because my ex was a huge Wonder Woman fan.  He saw the movie multiple times and said it was his favorite movie of all time.  
https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2022-06-02/lynda-carter-wonder-woman-pride-month-tweet

Is anyone else feeling Pride triggers?  
 

Support » Cross Dressing and Questioning » April 18, 2022 12:41 pm

Leslie77
Replies: 13

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PaperDoll - I can relate.  I went through a similar experience/nightmare with my 60+ year old husband.  In the end, it was the lying and deceit that ended it just as much as the gay/cross-dressing personality.  You say that he had ED for years.  Mine did too.  His explanations didn't make sense and at the end I realized the truth - he was never sexually attracted to me, or any other woman, for that matter. 

Two years post-discovery, when we were at the break-up stage and I was at my angriest, I left for several weeks and stayed with relatives in another state to get my head together.  I would highly recommend.  It provides an opportunity to step back and rationally look at what is happening.

My ex love-bombed me for months, even after we divorced.  He's living with a guy now.  Go figure. 

I wish you the best as you sort your way through this.  You will get through.  You may be able to salvage your marriage, maybe not - good luck no matter what you decide to do.  

General Discussion » An open letter to my LGBT spouse » March 31, 2022 7:32 am

Leslie77
Replies: 10

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Rickbert - your first paragraph resonated with me.  It's my opinion that many in-closet LGB (and especially Trans) partners are searching for something ...  A bigger house, boat, new career, new love interest may make someone feel satisfied, for awhile, but it won't last if you are unhappy with yourself.  

In our last 5 years together, my ex-husband dragged me along on endless trips and vacations.  We would barely arrive at our destination and he was already talking about where we would go next.  He was trying to escape from himself.  

Thank you for sharing your letter.  I don't think it would be beneficial to send it to your wife.  She sounds self-righteous.  You will move on.  It takes time.  Best wishes to you.  

General Discussion » Some Resources for Partners of Trans » March 4, 2022 8:31 am

Leslie77
Replies: 6

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Lynne - thank you so much for sharing.  I've been following the Lia Thomas story in the media.  Interesting to hear from the mother of one of Lia's female teammates.  She spoke anonymously as there is effectively a gag order from the swim team, the school, and the swim association, to discourage any negative comments about Lia's competition on a women's swim team..  Lia is a 6'4" transwoman with broad shoulders who smashes women's swim records and dashes the hopes of success from women competitors, including teammates.  And uses their locker room, despite being "intact".  

Women are supposed to stay silent and suck this up.  

General Discussion » Some Resources for Partners of Trans » February 19, 2022 9:05 am

Leslie77
Replies: 6

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It's been four years since I learned of my now-ex husband's yearning to be a woman, as well as his gay in denial issues. 

It was my experience that other than this forum and a few other websites, there wasn't much outside information on this topic.  Everything I found seemed geared to persuading straights to accept and celebrate the trans.  

I did find the following two books to be helpful, to show the history and other side of trans.  Oddly enough, there is almost no mention of the straight spouse.  

(1) Desist, Detrans & Detox - Getting Your Child Out of the Gender Cult - by Maria Keffler.  The book is geared towards parents of gender dysphoric children, but lots of good general information.  I recall that this book was briefly banned by Amazon in response to trans protests.  

(2)  Trans - When Ideology Meets Reality - by Helen Joyce.  From the bookcover:  "People are being shamed and silenced for attempting to understand the consequences of redefining 'man' and 'woman' according to feelings rather than facts.  And while compassion for transgender lives is essential, it is stifling much-needed inquiry into the significance of our bodies, especially with regard to women's rights, fairness in sport, same-sex attraction and children's development."  

 

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