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General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » July 10, 2023 11:31 am

E, I’m 63! It’s never too late, in my opinion. And by the way, my current sweetheart and I talked ALOT over the weekend and have found a path forward, rather than chuck  the whole “thing” until such time as he has to move in with his son out of state. (We do not co-habitate.) Trying to keep our lives in today.

General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » July 7, 2023 2:32 pm

I feel alone, too, especially today. After getting out of a 26 year marriage in 2016 to a lying, abusive cxd/trans-wanna-be, in 2018 I met an amazing man who showed me what abundance could look like in a relationship. We were together almost five years. And he just broke it off last evening. It’s not his fault and I’m not angry. I’m just deep in the throes of a new grief. He has had and has Parkinson’s disease—I’m so sad—a complicated, chronic and degenerative neurologic disease that is getting the better of him. There are non-motor impacts that are changing his personality and his world is shrinking while mine continues to expand. I know he loves me. I’m doing okay —I’m just feeling profound grief. I think I did allow myself to see a future together even though the odds were totally against us. Being in the world feels so different today because he’s not “out there” for me any more. I learned so much about myself in that journey out of a marriage full of deprivation and dishonesty. So I know I’ll be okay,  and that I’m never really alone. There is so much love and beauty around me all the time and I have to keep my heart and eyes  open  to experience it. You all taught me that. As much as I’m hurting now, I wouldn't trade the last 4.7 years for anything. . ❤️🙏🏾☀️🌷

Support » I don't want to be in a queer relationship... » April 22, 2023 10:44 am

Miss Candy, Run, get out, like your house is on fire! May this knowledge before getting hitched be a blessing to you 4-ever.

General Discussion » Some positive thoughts » April 22, 2023 10:39 am

Elliierigg, Wow, how strong and clear about your reality you are, as well as your boundaries. Please know we are here cheering you on, on the good days and the bad ones. Keep that indomitable faith in yourself and find strength in every breath you take.

General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » April 22, 2023 10:30 am

So glad it well well, Elle. And remember that courage doesn’t mean there’s an absence of fear—just that we move forward despite the fear. I’m out of my hell home almost 7 years and still backslide emotionally into “did I do the “right” thing?”— and then recall what Rob references above, the disrespect, dishonesty, deprivation etc. and I hear my soul cry out —“Yes! You did.” Keep faith in the adventure that is life—I do believe you are being led to a more peaceful place no matter what your age. Thinking of you with love and compassion.

General Discussion » A form of abuse? » March 8, 2023 2:20 pm

Yes, it’s abuse:  My ex impersonated a heterosexual man during the decades of our longterm marriage.
Twenty-four years into the marriage, I discovered—he never told me—that my husband had been cross-dressing for sexual gratification for many years during our marriage. That’s all I know. There’s plenty I asked and he answered but I simply couldn’t believe anything that came out of his mouth after that initial and fleeting moment of grace. There’s more I will never know, once I understood he is a pathological liar, like is he gay? (I got an AIDS test.) Is he bi? Is he a trans-wannabe? A watcher of porn? Some of the above but not all? Who knows? Not me. My world shattered, but I held myself together for the sake of our sons (2 were still in college); we separated two years after the discovery and divorced two years after that. I certainly didn’t rush into anything.
We live in a small town in a largely rural state. In that critical moment of clarity as I discovered his stash of women’s lingerie, makeup, wigs and shoes, I experienced the trauma of doubting everything he had ever told me about himself, what he was doing and how he felt, especially how he felt about me. I came to understand the overt lies he told me over time, the omission of telling me his truths, and the “gaslighting”, as a form of domestic abuse (see the work of Dr. Omar Minwalla on the topic of ”deceptive sexuality” as intimate partner abuse and domestic abuse.) “Devastated” is not too strong a word to describe my life upon discovery of his secret self. He robbed me of so much, including a special silver necklace of mine I searched high and low for, thinking I’d misplaced it and finally gave it up for “lost” –until I found it in his stash of dress-up jewelry.

I’m not aware that my ex committed any crime—although if impersonating a police officer is a crime I have no idea why impersonating a straight husband isn’t one, too. It should be. A husband who physi

General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » February 28, 2023 8:03 pm

“To ease myself in I'm going to go to a yoga class there tomorrow morning


Yeeeeeesssss! Just keep saying yes to anything that connects you to your community. Yoga = taking care of yourself. You WILL get through this.

General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » February 9, 2023 8:47 pm

[Elle wrote: I'm so pleased all my children know about this and are supportive.]

What a relief! Deep breaths during your whole vacation. Do lots of self care!  Take extra, good care of yourself (no one else will.) Restore, rejuvenate, recreate. Rebuild that inner strength you are tapping into.  Thinking of you and sending you lovingkindness—May Elle be free from suffering. May Elle be at peace. May Elle be held  in the Light. Enjoy your time alone. I bet you are great company to yourself. XO

General Discussion » 2022 was a fucked-up year » February 7, 2023 8:07 pm

I just looked up the meaning of your tag line, Elle.
Kia Kaha, indeed!
To help reestablish your sense of personal security, try repeating the following affirmations often OR  write them on your morning mirror with soap, where you see them upon awakening:

I am grounded.
I trust in myself.
I trust in others.
I am safe and secure.
I have exactly what I need.
I am exactly where I am meant to be.
I am strong.
I trust in my body’s ability to heal me.
I am supported.

We are here for you. Lean on us. Kia Kaha.

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