My husband (M35)  and I (F34)  been together for 10 years total. We have two children, ages 5 and 2. He came out to me as bisexual 5 years ago (right after we’d had our first child) following infidelity. We did MC for a time, trying to rebuild trust after infidelity, truth trickling, his porn use that I was uncomfortable with. Eventually, he fell back in to old habits of porn use and building a wall between us, refusing to discuss anything difficult for him and starving me of empathy for anything I was going through. Fast forward to 2023, he decided he wanted to fully accept his identity. He grew up in a conservative, Baptist home with parents he believes would disown him for his sexuality. He’s decided to overcome that. He wants to go out and explore his identity, but he wants to stay married.

I’m not sure that I want to be married any longer. His list of priorities right now include exploring his sexuality and uncovering past trauma. Not fixing our marriage. I am tired of feeling alone. It’s been like having a roommate for years, except that roommate nags you for sex even when you feel no emotional connection to them. And when you ask for emotional connection, they say “well, I did x, y, and z for you.” Then projects their own insecurities about sex onto you and makes you think it’s entirely your fault that you’re not having sex.

I am exhausted. I just want a partner who can talk about the hard stuff with me, empathize with me when I’ve had a hard day, and share the mental load of adulting and parenting equally. I don’t think my husband can do that. He doesn’t think he can either (his words), but he’s afraid of change (again, his words). That isn’t a good enough reason to stay together.

I need a friend.