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Is He/She Gay » Need some Advice » May 16, 2021 10:06 am

Replies: 14

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​Thanks for everyone’s feedback.
You all addressed my key fears without me really even saying them.

She cheated on me. It was not a drunken mistake but planned and executed over months.

The other person ended it. Not my wife coming to her senses. What if the other person did not end it…

What happens if the other person comes back, begging her to return…

She has not totally broken it off with the other person. They still do boot-camp together.

It was with the same sex. I can only speak for myself, but I have no attraction to the same sex.

She moved out to work on “her”. But what about me the family and our marriage.

I am going to a therapist and that has helped immensely. (My wife does go to one also), we’ve just never gone to a couples therapist together.

I know if I took emotion/love out of the equation that there would only be one course of action.
I do think people can get back together after infidelity. It will be hard work, but possible, but given all the above combined, I do not think it’s realistic.

She took my self-worth and confidence doing this to me. At best I’d always be the consolation prize.
Now it’s just a matter of finding the courage/will to move on.
Thanks again.


Is He/She Gay » Need some Advice » May 11, 2021 8:28 pm

Replies: 14

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My wife and I have been married for 12 years.
She had a brief, intense affair with another woman. It lasted about two and a half months before the other woman broke it off. She has never showed any lesbian tendencies in the 14 years I’ve known her. (though it’s not something one looks for).
She now does not know what she is… Was she just vulnerable and lonely and the other woman a predator at the right time, poisoning out marriage until she got what she wanted and then moved on. She apparently has a history of this. We just moved schools about a year and a half ago and the other woman had a kid in our kids class. My wife and this woman got along very will and became best buddies during quarantine. They have very similar personalities. She was going through a divorce at the time. (She was married to a man).
I’m still very in-love with my wife, but at the same time I’m worried that I might be blinded.
She has moved out and is now on this journey to find herself again, figure out what happened and why it happened. She said she’d be open to couples therapy, but not just yet.
Unfortunately, unlike COVID, there is no test one can run to see if someone is a lesbian…
I was wondering if anyone had some advice as what to do in this situation. I don’t want to get back together if we are going to be in the same boat in the future.
Any good books I could read on this?

I just read "Infidelity: the Best Worst Thing that Could Happen to your Marriage - Talal H. Alsaleem."
I really found it good because it spoke to both parties. But was looking for something that might address Sexual Identity more. 

Also, does anyone know of any marriage counselors / therapists that specialize is Sexual Identity on Orange county, CA?

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