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General Discussion » Afraid TGT relfects poorly on me » January 4, 2017 2:58 pm

To Kel,



Thank you!!

General Discussion » A Lesson in Gaslighting » January 3, 2017 8:02 pm

I was in shock for almost exactly 2 years after the day I discovered my x was a gay man in denial. I completely lost my mind for a solid 2 years. If that wasn't bad enough, about a year into it the gaslighting started. The evil took over his body and mind and he began to try to destroy me. It started very subtle and went to an extreme that I cannot even talk about right now.

For those of you wondering, gaslighting is a term that came from a 1944 movie called Gaslight. Gaslight is an American 1944 mystery-thriller film, adapted from Patrick Hamilton's 1938 play Gas Light, about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane.

My GIDX waged an all out campaign to render me insane. It started with him taking things of mine and then putting them back after my exhaustive search leading me to believe those things were there the entire time. For example, I took a 5-minute trip to the store and when I returned, my nightshirt that I left on the bed was missing. I questioned him about it and he had me leave the bedroom and check places in the house. As I did this, he put my shirt on top of the ceiling fan and called me back into the bedroom. He pointed to it and told me that I "must have flung it up there when I took it off." I didn't know whether to laugh or be extremely frightened of him. Actually, I was both. The beginning of the horror movie starts here.......

I responded with a burst of laughter as he added, "Tara, I have to seriously question your sanity." The very frightening thing here was that he was laughing too, like he knew I didn't buy his bullshit but he pressed on like a soldier intending in winning the war at all costs. NEVER giving in.

More and more and more things like this happened in the house. My things were missing,

General Discussion » Afraid TGT relfects poorly on me » January 3, 2017 7:27 pm

Thank you for the replies....

Lostdad, I think it's a great idea to rehearse what to say. I am so afraid that this entire situation will reflect badly on me instead on my x like it should. Especially to people who don't know me very well, people  meet for the first time. I don't even know why I feel I need to give an explanation to people I just meet but like I said, I'm not going to live in his closet anymore. I want to live my truth and I had been saying that since discovery day 1.

You are correct in the fact that it is very difficult for people to understand. It's such a strange situation. Half of my family is still in denial!!! I Sh*t you not! And it has been exactly 7 years since discovery day 1 starting tomorrow at 7:15 p.m. (wow)

You also correct in that I should have followed through with my thoughts and said something to back up what I said. I guess I just wasn't prepared and I kinda withdrew into myself when he questioned MY sanity! Then felt like an idiot, like I've been feeling for 7 years.

I'm not really "dating" per se. I haven't been on a day since the divorce but I'm starting to put myself out there and meeting people. I guess I'm just not prepared for their reactions but I'll get used to it. And maybe we could have a dialogue about how we can phrase things so we don't shock the heck out of the people we meet?

I remember a while ago Patti posting a response that said "He didn't turn out to be the man I thought he was." Maybe I should have stuck with that? I just feel the need to be some nakedly honest because of living in a lie for so long. No more lies for me. Not ever. I'm not a liar, never was and I am very bad at it so I don't even try. Saying that he turned out not to be the man I thought he was isn't a lie but I feel like that response may take me round and round on the merry-go-round until they push me to tell the truth  - so why not just start there? Know what I mean? In any case, he didn't ask me for my phone number or anything. I hav

General Discussion » I WON'T KEEP YOUR SECRET! » January 3, 2017 2:20 pm


You are incredibly strong! I envy your strength!! I was not as strong as you. If I had been, I wouldn't have wasted 5 extra years. It took me that long to come out of shock and get my life together enough to get on with it. I, too, was jobless and penniless. I had to go back to school and get a job and then work for a while and get another job until I had one in which I could support myself. The emotional feeling of being torn in half nearly killed me. In fact, I thought I would die from it. I loved him, he was my world and he cast me aside as soon as I said I wasn't going to let him use me. It was immediate. It sent my head spinning. He is still deeply closeted and now that I'm going, he's trying to convince everyone that I went crazy. It's an all out attack on me.

Good for you and I am so HAPPY for you that you know what you need to do to take care of yourself!!! I can tell you for a fact, you will live for this...there is more life and love to be had. I wish I had known you 5 years ago when I was going through this. You are an inspiration!! hugs!

General Discussion » What the GID men say » January 3, 2017 12:21 pm

Jess, my x is doing the very same thing at this every moment. He's telling the entire town that I went crazy and that I turned psycho. There's no way to stop him. If I try, it'll make it look like he's right. But I know the truth and so does God and I have to remind myself that...that's all that matters and move forward with my life.

I totally get it.

Try to nevermind them anymore.

General Discussion » Afraid TGT relfects poorly on me » January 3, 2017 12:15 pm

I went out the other night and met a guy. I found him very interesting and we started up a conversation. He asked me what my status was. I told him I was divorced. He asked me why I was divorced.

I said, "Because he just wasn't that into me."

To which he replied, "Why wouldn't he be that into YOU?" and he seemed a bit shocked.

I said ,"Because he's not into women."

Then this guy said, "What? How in the world did you fall for that? How could you be with someone like that?"

It made me feel like a complete idiot and fool. Because you know what? He's right. How did I let this happen to me? Regardless if I was a victim, there were plenty of red flags I ignored for many years. Now I look like an idiot.

I believe in living my truth. I will not lie or hide my past and what happened with my x. But what should I say to someone who says something like that? He wasn't trying to be mean. He was in complete shock to what I said and ended with "That's messed up." I dropped the subject but then felt bad. I'm afraid how this is going to look on me because ultimately it was my decisions which got me into this situation. I believe that this situation will repeat itself with the same reaction from men. It doesn't make me feel very good about myself.

TGT - The gift that just keeps on giving.

General Discussion » Would you warn someone ? » January 3, 2017 12:06 pm

Wowy, wow, wow! I was in your shoes. Like I've alluded to my previous post, I have run the gamut when it comes to TGT.

When I discovered my husband was in the closet, I also figured out which one of his friends were in the closet. I happened to be A LOT of them! In fact, the other 3 couples we had been hanging with right before discovery and were close with were all actually in the closet (the husbands). I figured this out one night at a dinner party where all 4 couples had attended. All of these closet men were married and I was close with the wives. It hit me like a mack truck. It hit me right in the middle of the party. I figured it all out. The 3 men plus my x were all closeted. It knocked me over. Literally. I fell back against the counter in the kitchen. It was a massive epiphany. I could suddenly see everything so clearly. And my x was being obvious about it - something he hadn't done before. Ever.

In any case, I also figured out which one of these guys my x was having his fling with right there that night. It was one of the married men. My x's reaction when I threatened to tell his wife lead me to know that I was correct in my assumptions. I know these girls well but particularly the wife of the guy my x is shtooping. I have wrestled with this for years and years - should I tell her?

I just couldn't bring that much pain to someone else. I remember what I had gone through and wished someone who have told me YEARS ago about my x, and believe me, PEOLPLE KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL ME. However, that said, even if I did tell her she probably wouldn't believe me. Until you are ready to see, you just can't see it. I'm trying to deal with the past and put my entire ordeal behind me. I don't think it's my place to tell her. 

Wow. What I wrote doesn't make sense at all. I am still conflicted about this. I will NEVER tell her or talk to any of those people ever again so my decision has been made. However, was it the right thing to do? I can't really say. Everyone

General Discussion » Hi, Everyone » January 2, 2017 8:03 pm

Happy Holidays to all of you!

I've been gone for quite a while - had to focus on fixing the mess I was in. I have had an exceptionally hard time of it. He gave me a hell I cannot describe. I am on the other side now. Divorced 18 months, gone from the house 13 months. I had a very hard time of it but was blessed by all of you and your support. Thank you so much for being there for me. Patti, Steve, Sam, it's good to see you all.

I literally thought that this experience was going to kill me. I remember a couple of years ago when i was trying to get out lying on my bed in my room exhaling and trying to will myself dead. It didn't work. The emotional pain I was in was horrific. Then, as I moved forward with the divorce, etc., he put me through a hell I cannot describe or discuss here. It reads as a horror movie and I'm lucky to be alive. He would have rather seen me dead or destroyed then to let me leave with his secret. I sometimes think he will have me killed if he can. He is already telling everyone in the entire town that I am very, very sick and a psych patient and on psych meds. None of which is true. Just more lies on top of lies on top of lies on top of lies. He is a very, very sick man.

I have my own place now. It's a nice place. I have my 3 cats and it's just us. I don't have many friends as I was so isolated for so many years. It's hard to overcome the depression sometimes and put myself back out there to meet people. I'm so exhausted from the whole ordeal. I don't have much family so I get really lonely a lot. I have a good job and they love me and I am truly blessed with that. So, so far I'm doing okay.

I thought maybe I could pop in from time to time to see if I can give back. God only knows I have a wallop of an experience and maybe I could be of help to the newbies.  

Love and Peace to you all. And thank you.



General Discussion » My gut tells me he's gay » January 2, 2017 7:45 pm

Your gut is your best friend. Honor and respect it. It's there for a reason and knows more than you do.

General Discussion » Question for those who were also with a narcissist » January 2, 2017 7:44 pm

AB-SO-FREAKIN-LUTELY! We were envied by EVERYONE. Every single girl I knew was jealous of me because he was SO attentive, the greatest guy in the world. We "appeared" to have it all. We even fooled ourselves. Oh, what we won't do for denial! Funny tho, I was miserable and didn't know why. But now I know - lack of intimacy in ALL LEVELS! No sex, no deep conversations, etc. He was unattainable, unavailable and never mine. So sad.

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