It is difficult because we're not supposed to be living like we think our spouses might be undercover agents for another country. We care for them. If they say they're sick, or have ED, needed to work late constantly, spend hours at the gym, etc. we believe them. Until we have a reason to no longer trust them, but we're generally not looking for it. 

If you want the perspective of someone who lived a double life, you might want to post some of these questions on Sean's thread. However, there are numerous cases detailed here from people who had a spouse living a secret double-life, sometimes for decades. Clarification and truth from the in-denial spouse sometimes never happens. You need to decide when you know enough. Decide on the future you want and start taking steps towards it, even if they are small ones. Don't let the distance dissuade you. All journeys start with a first step.

Go easy on yourself. Most of us never saw this coming. Then, in hindsight, we notice subtle clues. But, in all honesty, we're not supposed to spend the years wondering if our partners are less than 100% on board and upfront with us. Take time for yourself. Counseling can be good. Think about your future, both possible futures. Whatever happens, there is life on the other side. 

Devastated2024 wrote:

I just can't let this end. My life is (was) amazing and I am just terrified of letting go. I need to hear from her it's over for me to take the next step and try to figure this out and move on. I am worried that even if she were to decide to stay, I wouldn't be able to trust the situation and would always be worried this would happen again or she would grow the need to step out.
I just don't know what to do and I just constantly want to cry. I feel horrible and it's been three weeks already

This is common amongst us. We didn't change. Most who come here are initially looking for any magic solution that will put it back together. There isn't one. Then there is the other thing you mentioned. Now that this is out, can you really put it back in the bottle ? It will always be there, like a ghost.

There is one thing I'm certain of, it takes two equally committed people to make any marriage work. If there's some same-sex-attraction in the mix, it takes even more mutual work and commitment. Neither one of you can save this on your own. It's a recipe for turning your life into a joyless existence. You deserve better. And do not forget that your child will be witness to this life. Mom and Dad, together, and not happy, sets their expectations for their own future. 

Glad you have some support lined up. Whatever happens, it is possible to get through this. 
 

You are not alone. You don't have to browse many of our stories to fine similar examples of double-speak or flat denials of obvious facts. And I think you made him a more than fair offer. If he's trying to talk you into something less for you, and better for him, I'd say no dice. My counter-offer would be to see what a Court feels is fair. Ultimately, you have to decide how best to handle this, but it does seem that your eyes are wide open. Vent away. I'm sure it's exhausting to keep pushing back on the BS. That can be part of the goal, to get you so tired you either believe it, or stop fighting.

Unfortunately, I'd say yes. In my opinion the flags are flying high.
Although erectile dysfunction can happen to anyone, and is not always a red flag, who is he taking the Cialis for? Long absences at the gym, the extra showering, the body grooming, the giddy texting to gym 'pals'. I believe you are correct in finding his behaviour suspicious. It sounds like there's a secret life.

Do you have access to his phone? I'm going to guess no. And I'm not suggesting you should snoop. Only you can decide what you want to do here. Only you can decide what you want and what sort of treatment you will accept.

I expect others here will have some valuable insights or advice on this subject.