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Support » He came out to 3 more people... » March 10, 2023 11:40 pm

Gin Bombay
Replies: 3

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My husband came out as bisexual to 3 people at church today. I thought we were going to focus on his sobriety first (7 days sober) and then have a conversation before he told anyone else. I have lots of questions...we've been together 30 years. Did he cheat on me? Are we still in a monogamous relationship? What will others think of me when they know I'm married to a bisexual man? That's an important one for me...we go to a Reconciling in Christ church, but not all people are going to be ok with that. Am I strong enough to stand up to their negatively? Does he want to experiment and will I be ok with that? (No I will not be.) He apologized; he was truly sorry, but I reiterated that he has to focus on his sobriety and we have to talk before coming out to anyone else. Our daughter is coming home from college tomorrow so I have to pick her up, and he will be at work by the time we get back. So frustrated right now...

Support » What do you do when you are overwhelmed? » March 8, 2023 11:38 pm

Gin Bombay
Replies: 16

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I feel your pain. Maybe tomorrow will be better...I have have up days and down days since last Friday when my husband told me that he was an alcoholic and bisexual (though he still loves me - we still haven't talked about the latter because sobriety comes first.) I cope with crocheting, playing silly games on my Switch and buying little things, like a tiny fridge to keep sparkling water in our living room. Take a walk, eat right, breathe. And dark chocolate always helps...

Support » 2 bombshells dropped last Friday » March 7, 2023 6:39 pm

Gin Bombay
Replies: 10

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He is definitely going to AA meetings.  Our family member who is an alcoholic drove up and took him to his first one, and gave him his own 24 hour sober chip, which now he carries with his own. He showed me his book, and the pamphlet with handwritten first names and phone numbers that he can call... and he's called the organizer of the first meeting when he got back from his second meeting Sunday night.

We talked a little bit last night after his meeting and before he had to call his brother (they're very close.) Our church was seeking a new pastor (our old one was elected bishop.) My husband, along with his day job, holds a part-time position with the church. Our interim pastor was a transgender man...they had interned with us before for 2 years. My husband told our interim in October when our interim pastor gave their coming out sermon on the Sunday close to National Coming Out Day that he thought he was bisexual. He also told our daughter, who is away at college. She is straight but lives with a lesbian roommate (she's a great friend and the two of them have know each other forever.) My husband tried to go to our LGBTQIA center for advice before telling me, but the session was canceled so he couldn't get help.

I've researched the center...apparently the need is so great that they're not taking applicants for individual counseling. The group sessions are just for LGBTQ people and not for family and friends.  They are open to suggestions for other groups, so I'm going to email them and see if they can start a group for family and friends. It's a great center - I'm so glad they started it.

When I told my husband that I had joined the online support group he was really pleased. I think communication between the two of us is already getting better.

I looked into AlAnon groups...most meet when I am working or are only on Zoom, but there are a couple that I can go to.

He called his best friend this morning before work...I know he told him about his alcoholism b

Support » 2 bombshells dropped last Friday » March 6, 2023 7:37 pm

Gin Bombay
Replies: 10

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Thank you for all of your feedback...it means so much to me. By the way, my pseudonym is from one of my favorite books, the main character in 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy, a humorous mystery by an author that I know personally. It doesn't have anything to do with alcohol...the Bombays are a family of female assassins who kill evil people.

Support » 2 bombshells dropped last Friday » March 6, 2023 12:01 pm

Gin Bombay
Replies: 10

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My husband and I have been together for nearly 30 years, married for 27. On Friday he told me that he was an alcoholic and bisexual. He went to his first AA meeting that night. I told him I understand and we'll get through this together.  We haven't talked about his bisexuality since then. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. I thought I would be ok...I had a hunch about his drinking, but the two together is just too much. Of course I'm supportive when I'm around him. I just don't know what else he isn't telling me. I don't have close friends in the area, so I can't vent, and some friends that have moved away wouldn't understand or be supportive. I have a family member who is an alcoholic, and he said the first week is the hardest. I need to talk to my husband...I told him on Friday I have lots of questions but I would wait. I don't know if I can wait much longer...

Thanks for letting me vent...

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