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Support » update » June 20, 2022 8:29 am

thank you all for the kind words. its always nice to get on here as a sounding board. ive avoided therapy for reasons i do not know. ive moved forward in life. job. material things etc.
i am as withdrawn emotionally as ive ever been. i dont think most people i interact with daily, be it friends, family, coworkers, notice. lot of people do ask me when im going to start seeing someone. 
i think the saddest people often do the best job at pretending. 
so as long as ive got them fooled!!!!!!!!!!

Support » update » June 8, 2022 6:48 am

thanks for the affirmation. no, i am not speaking to anyone. i guess my excuse is finding the time, and right therapist. 
no, not speaking to friends or family about it. there are a few friends i have told, but not really opened up much. ive never told my family the real reason. well, i did tell one of my sisters. she is gay, so i opened up to her. she may have told my family, but no one has asked me about it. im a private person, and dont share alot to people in the real world. 

Support » Pride Month Triggers » June 7, 2022 10:07 am

fuck pride month. 
as another poster said, to the ones that have been open their whole lives, or didnt hurt others on their path, i say congrats? ive never felt the urge to shout my straightness from the mountain tops. 
to the ones that most of us know. the ones who deceived.
well i look at them as liars. cheaters. selfish. 
but hey, lets pat them on the back for their courage and strength.
fuck pride month.  

Support » update » June 7, 2022 10:04 am

well its been 26 months and couple of weeks since d-day. 
I don't know what to say really. we haven't communicated in over a year. I've not spoke to her girls in almost 2 years. she has moved on with her new woman. I hear they bought a house. when i found out a couple of months ago that she had sold our house, that brought a new wave of hurt. it is what it is i guess. 
I've dated. I've had sex. I've took trips. I've bought things. truly have lived for me for the first time in my life. 
the void is still there. the lack of trust still rages in me. 
am i unhappy/happy? neither. its like I'm in purgatory. i am no closer to wanting to give myself to anyone now, than i was 2 years ago. 
the pain is still there. she is still the first thing i think of when i wake up, and the last thing i think of before i go to sleep.
i still miss the life i had. terribly. even knowing that some or all of it was a lie.
i just turned 49, and i have loved and lost.
so now im just thinking that i only need me for my happiness, and why bother trying again.

Support » just need to vent » August 5, 2021 2:14 pm

the last line....tears are flowing. that is the truth. regardless of today and tomorrow. i did that. me. 
thanks daryl as well. 

Support » just need to vent » August 5, 2021 11:29 am

their 15 and 12.
i truly hope that when they get older, they reach out to me, with or without their mothers blessing. as with a lot of kids, they want to make mom happy. more so than dads, and stepdads etc. so between them wanting to support their mom, their ages to some degree, and whatever else has got into their heads, its likely made them want to distance themselves from me. its not been right to me, or them, but I'm sure they'll find me again one day. 
thanks again. 

Support » just need to vent » August 5, 2021 9:39 am

so its been almost 17 months since my ex came out to me. about 16 months since i moved out. a lot of you know the backstory by now. 
well i started an Instagram about a month ago. I'm buying a ford bronco and wanted to follow it and some tattoo artist. i didn't use my real name, or allowed my contacts to be uploaded. well wouldn't you know it, fucking IG has suggested follows, and guess who pop up? yep, my ex. so naturally click on it, and its private, but her profile pic is her and her new girl. some how i navigated around and found her new girls profile, which is also private. however the new girl has a message on hers that is a green heart plus a blue heart with the date of 4-20-20.
well green is my ex favorite color. 
fucked up thing is i found out 3/27/20. i moved out 4/10/20.. she wished my a happy bday on 4/14/20. with a sentimental message that gave me hope at the time. i know that by the time a woman gets courage, and strength to leave, they been gone emotionally for awhile. so yes, i had a feeling that this started before she came out. that is clear now. 
hurts like a motherfucker too.
and then to make it worse, through my navigation, i found her daughters. the 2 i spent 10 years raising them. spent  more time, money, love and energy than there dad. the 2 that sent me very loving emotional text when i moved out. the 2 that she blocked me from last summer..
i sent a follow request to the oldest. it was immediately denied and i was blocked. 
i will love them all, always. regardless. 
but fuck. talk about some daggers to that small piece of heart i have left. 

Support » Open Marriage? Would love some feedback and support » July 27, 2021 7:25 am

best friend-
without going into great detail ill say this. 
one for all, and all for one. relationships work in mysterious ways, but at its core, its based off teamwork. if you BOTH cant agree on the dynamics, then your only sitting in the corner, waiting for it to blow up again. its not a matter of if, but when. it sounds like regardless of what you say, he will do what he wants. so that leaves it like this, 
you either live being denied the attention that he wont give you, and suffer from the abuse that comes with that, or you slowly, painfully, regrettably move on. 

Support » Wife Checked Out » July 12, 2021 1:18 pm

guy- well said. 

Support » Wife Checked Out » July 11, 2021 7:23 pm

im not the best at giving sound advice. been 15 months for me, and i still struggle. there are a lot of good people on here, that can give reassuring words. I've posted while sad, angry, bitter, and hurt. I'm still not in a happy place, but at least this place helps to not feel so fucking alone. someone posted somewhere that this isn't like normal infidelity. this goes much deeper. this isn't comparing apples to apples. yes pain is pain. cheating is cheating. but all of us here have suffered in a way that others will never truly understand. 
all i can say, is keep coming here. for support, understanding, validation, or just to sound off on what your feeling in that moment. i for one, have kept this as private as i can in the real world. i come here to get it off my chest. 
good luck brother. 

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