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General Discussion » Probably sounds familiar » October 16, 2021 2:12 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 24

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Jamieblunt,

I feel for you, and can understand the pain you're going through. Right now it's a good idea to take care of yourself as well as your children. Longwayhome mentioned that it seems your mind is racing in every direction, and I have to agree. It's normal, so that's okay. Her suggestion to figure out what you want from your relationship as well as your life is important. To write things down is really a good idea. My husband cheated on me before I found out about his bisexuality. That was what sent me over the edge/not the bisexuality. I started writing down how I felt & turned it into a journal; as well as lists on 'pros' and 'cons' on different actions I wanted or needed to take. It helped me a lot.
I hope this helps.
Post as your need.

Strategies for MOM's » Celebrating our wedding anniversary… » August 15, 2021 3:48 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 6

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CONGRATULATIONS! That’s a wonderful thing to celebrate! Good for the two of you. 

I wish the best for everyone here 💖.

Support » What I wish I could tell my still-legally husband » July 22, 2021 12:50 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 23

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I’m sorry you’re hurting. Hope that helped 😊.

(((((HUGS)))))

Susanne

Support » So Blind For So Long » July 20, 2021 2:10 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 8

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WhyMe,

I am so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. I went through finding out we were living a lie, too, and it was the most devastating thing I’ve ever been through. The difference was that it was 15 years of random hookups having only oral sex and no emotional connections, so he didn’t want a relationship with a man, and stopped having sex with men, so we have been trying to rebuild…..or, I should say build our marriage since then (he had been doing it since Boy Scouts, so he was having sex with men before we did). But, ours is different, as is everyone’s situation.

You’ve gotten some great suggestions here from some caring people who have been through a lot of this themselves.

The main thing is to take care of yourself. YOU matter. Remember to breath & eat.. do normal things.
Everything will turn out al right for you in the end. You’ll be fine..this is the hardest part….not saying there’s not a hard road ahead, but you’ll get through this.

Do you have anyone to talk to? That’s always helpful. 

Take care of YOU (((((HUGS)))))

 

Strategies for MOM's » New Subreddit for Straight Partners of Bisexuals » July 18, 2021 3:09 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 25

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It’s getting more active, and for this time of year, that’s saying something!

Strategies for MOM's » I didn't sign up for this » July 18, 2021 3:08 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 8

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LostNAlone,

I’m so sorry for all that’s happened. I remember you were having problems with your husband bouncing in & out of the closet, but it looks like he’s pretty well ‘out of the game’ now. I’m so sorry. My first husband was straight (and faithful), and he had a bad heart & blood clots. After surgery, they also had to removed part of his dead heart and gave him less than a 50% chance of living 5 years. He lived 4 1/2 more….the difference was that I wanted him to live as we’d been married almost 32 years when he passed away & even though our married life was hard, our marriage was great because of our love…..We didn’t have sex the last 8 years because of his heart, but it was all right since it was health related and not something else…. We still loved each other just as much.

Then, comes your situation….Not to be callous, but have they given him a prognosis? It sounds like you’re having to be his caregiver and not getting to be his wife, which you weren’t able to be even before this happened. So, it isn’t like you’re just trying to jump ship because he’s ill. You already had this happening before then.

Have you both discussed the best course of action for the two of you to be as happy as possible? I know it isn’t going to be easy and neither of you will be “happy”, as we all dream of, but maybe you can come up with something that will work for you..

I wish you all the best. Hang in there.

(((((HUGS)))))

Susanne

Support » Advice on leaving. Please help » July 18, 2021 12:14 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 7

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AuroraMoon,

I don’t have anything to add. Just want to give you my support and say I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. Stay strong and know you are doing all right.

You’ve been given some sound advice.

(((((HUGS)))))

Support » New and feel like i am caught in whirlwind of mixed emotions- HELP » July 18, 2021 12:11 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 13

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Hi…from someone NOT new to the situation.

I’m the wife of a bisexual man who DID cheat with men (oral sex) for the first 15 1/2 years of our relationship. I had absolutely NO idea. We got married at 51 (me) and 53 (him). He had never been married…partying bachelor & I had been married 32 years and recently widowed. We had dated twice in high school, so I knew him before and we became great friends fast and were married within a year. 
Everything was great until he accidentally showed me a nude photo of a man on his iPad (CL, men seeking men, before they removed that)…. And, with his ‘permission’, I started searching his devices and finding dating sites, porn, emails to men and more….which he lied about all of them for 16 1/2 months..saying “I never had sex with any of those men!!!!!”. I searched everything & finally found something from his phone/AT&T records & he admitted to ONE man….6 months later, facing a polygraph, he finally admitted to doing it the entire time with many men…all hookups. SOme from dating sites/some from the local porn video store where they’d go in the back rooms & have oral sex…

The one thing he DIDN’T do was have an emotional relationship. He never even had lunch with any of them.

The reason I mention ALL of that is that it’s SO much more than the online emotional affair your husband has had, and yet we’ve managed to repair our relationship (still a work in progress after all the cheating, but good). So, it’s totally up to you, but it can be done.

It’s a good rule of thumb when things like this happen to not make any big changes for a year. That gives you time to talk to each other & find out exactly how you both feel about each other and the situation. A lot of open and honest communication is so important….and, because it’s uncharted territory, a therapist is a good idea. Getting individual therapists to start and then once you’ve each learned about yourselves, a marriage counselor can help yo

Support » Wife came out as bisexual and struggling with authentic support » July 18, 2021 11:52 am

SusanneH
Replies: 15

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I saw your posts on Reddit, and from what I understand, you are wanting to explore YOUR sexuality.

I read the other post and this one, and the only reason I didn’t answer the other one is that I didn’t know what to say. Exactly what are you wanting to do to find this out? Just curious so we can help.
thanks.
and, welcome!

Support » I know it’s wrong » July 16, 2021 3:39 pm

SusanneH
Replies: 7

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Heartbroken,

Ah, the good ole roller coaster ride….One day you’ll be off of it and starting a new life. You seem like a loving person, and you’ll be fine.

For now, it’s one moment, one hour, day, week at a time. …Just breathe deeply (my sister used to drive me nuts telling me to do this, but it does work! 😉

I’m sorry you don’t have anyone close to talk to, but you’re always welcome here. You know we understand.
(((((HUGS)))))

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