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Is He/She Gay » Finding more » March 16, 2022 7:53 pm

MJM017
Replies: 11

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Hi Annie,

A forum member posted this -- Snooping For Curious Spouses.  It may be of some help.

https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=2442

My GIDXH passed away shortly after the divorce & I found proof after he died. I didn't find porn or other proof  in the house while married. In hindsight, I would have hired a private detective to follow him to see if he was cheating.  Anonymous gay hookup spots are everywhere. 

It's not fair to live your life as the questioning & confused spouse. You deserve something better.

General Discussion » LGBTQ issues and the bloodshed in Ukraine » March 15, 2022 6:57 pm

MJM017
Replies: 4

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Hi Abby,

The link is broken for me. Is this about LGBTQ parades in the Ukraine & the Russian Orthodox Church?

Is He/She Gay » Finding more » March 14, 2022 9:14 pm

MJM017
Replies: 11

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Hi Annie,

I don't know if this helps. Pretend that you found irrefutable proof. What would you do?

Then, pretend the status quo continues year after year. How does that make you feel? Is it bearable?

General Discussion » First Time Sharing » March 12, 2022 7:20 pm

MJM017
Replies: 11

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Hi Eileen,

Sorry you find yourself here. You may want to visit a family law attorney to see what your legal and financial rights are in your area. In most jurisdictions there's room for negotiation with finances & health insurance premiums if you decide to divorce.

The emotional part of TGT is not easy. I hope it works out for you.

Maria

Is He/She Gay » Shaving habits hardwood floors?? » March 10, 2022 8:43 pm

MJM017
Replies: 4

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OSD,

My GIDXH would have been angry if I didn't ask him prior to doing the lady version of that.  It can give the appearance of seeking a new partner.  It's insensitive to a spouse.

Is he messing up the floors shaving? Ugh! Why they don't rent a mom instead of marrying a beard is beyond me.  🤦‍♀️

General Discussion » Guilt over posturing » March 10, 2022 6:01 pm

MJM017
Replies: 23

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HR,

There are Dept. of Education grants you may qualify for. I used those & loans to get through college a long time ago. It's still alive and kicking. It's more generous now than a few decades ago.

I am back at work after a long absence due to the late GIDXH's meltdown during the divorce.  I used coursera.org ($40/month)  to update my skills. They have a wide variety of self-paced university level courses.  As long as you pay the monthly fee, the course is open indefinitely. COVID placed almost all learning online. www is open 24/7 :-)

Reddit has a support group for partners/loved ones of those with BPD.  Another resource is NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). I've attended meetings online and in person.  Others are NEA BPD and McLean Hospital Gunderson Center for online programs to support BPD family members.   This is not an exhaustive list.

General Discussion » Guilt over posturing » March 8, 2022 7:30 pm

MJM017
Replies: 23

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HR,
It's probably best to visit a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. In my opinion, your h doesn't sound like he has this. It's like being a little bit pregnant.

It's good to take care of things as you see fit with his depression and desire to transition. 

Try to get support from your parents and other friends and family who know the both of you. I think one of your parents did offer it to you. (Good for them!)

What about his parents and the rest of his family? What do they think? Can they do something to help you and the kids? I hope so.

Take care.

 

Strategies for MOM's » MOM Couples therapist in PA? » March 8, 2022 4:23 pm

MJM017
Replies: 3

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Hi deceivedandsad,

Your husband is cheating on you repeatedly. Am so sorry.

One person alone can't prop up a marriage. I thought I married a stable, responsible man. I wound up being a mother to an immature and irresponsible gay overgrown teen boy.

I hate to sound harsh because I know you are hurting. The counselors you've seen are right. There's no in between - just a lot of pain for you.

Take care and hope things work out for you.

Support » My fiancee cheated on me with a man » March 8, 2022 4:13 pm

MJM017
Replies: 12

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Hi girly1234,

Am sorry this happened and sorry you find yourself here.

Did he tell you or did you discover this by accident?

He's an adult. Choosing to have sex is a deliberate decision. These things just
don't happen.  If he realizes you accept his explanation, things may just happen after you marry him.

Really think about the future with this guy. It's harder and more painful to divorce compared to breaking up with a fiancé.

Hope things work out for the best for you.

General Discussion » Guilt over posturing » March 8, 2022 4:03 pm

MJM017
Replies: 23

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I think you said your husband has borderline personality disorder. My parent with it has problems holding a job due to an unstable self image and difficulty handling low level stress.  They have problems parenting. (Read the subreddit raised by borderlines. You'll see what the future holds for your kids. )

Chances are you may have to pitch in by working. You have your income to fall back on for whatever the future brings. 

I would want to leave due to the bpd. It's comparable to living with a schizophrenic. Parents with this split the kids into the all good ones and the all bad ones for no reason.  They do this to the other spouse too. 

You have a lot on your plate. I would suggest taking things slowly but looking at bpd and a MTF switch realistically. Always best to be prepared. Good luck to you.

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