Thanks everyone for your replies & advice.
I did have him move out in June. Just waiting on a court date now. We have become more distant, however he does not fully give me my space. He just doesn't get it. It's been very difficult for me to let go, but I've made progress. I still don't have a job yet, thankfully he still pays all our bills. I've told him many times to stop coming to the house, that we can meet half way to exchange our kids. But he refuses to do any of that until he gets served & there's orders. I believe he is having a difficult time with this too I don't think he ever thought I would be strong enough to do something. He just won't really take me completely serious about this.
     He also constantly seeks reassurance from me, asking "do you want me to come home?" "Do you miss me? Love me?" "Do you like my hair cut?" "Can I go with you?" It's like he wants me to want him, and of course a lot of me still does, but I can't show that I do.
    It's very difficult for me to keep it all "business like" talk/convo with him. I've been with him since I was 15/16. And to treat each other like strangers after all this time just feels so absolutely wrong & weird to me, but I've been really trying.
   Kel, I will keep that comment in mind next time he asks! Lol. Actually I'd like to find a man that's a lil older when the time comes! I'm 2yrs older than my STBX.

Hi Kel,

#6 is spot on for me right now.  I've had the actual proof for years now (his ads on CL & I took screen shots on his phone of 5 gay apps), & only recently has he ADMITTED he's gay. Like I said before, I've already stated the D process, paperwork submitted to courts just waiting for a court date. Now he's professing his love for me & tells me he misses me, wants us to stay married lol!! Yeah ok & too late buddy. Even with all this, IM the one feeling horrible about doing this. I know I don't want to live like this anymore. But in my mind still, I keep wondering about what if I stay-How do I know it won't work out? But since the first time I've found out over 4yrs ago, history has repeated itself 5 times now. It's so weird that even with proof, our minds sometimes just wont believe it!, keep asking & waiting for more proof but more will never be enough. I don't want more I'm exhausted of thinking about the more and looking for the more proof. so I've finally chosen to leave.
Anyway, thank you for this post.

What's wrong with with me? I've realized everything, have gotten the strength to hire a lawyer & start divorce. My husband has been playing around since atleast 2009 but I didn't find out till 2012. So over half our relationship was filled with lies and cheating with men. I was so young & naive, he always acted like he wanted me. And this past February, after I caught him in a lie about where he was, he stopped wanting me completely, was cold to me, & asked for a divorce. Oh then he admitted to me that his urges for men was back. Well I waited & waited for him to see if maybe we could try getting professional help. I know now  there's no help with that & no fixing gay. But this past month he's been telling me he's sorry, tells me he loves & misses me, asks if we have to get divorced.
      Now this is where I'm doubting myself again. I know I don't & can't live like this anymore. I have been recently telling myself "maybe you should stick it out for a few more years till the kids are older". I quit my long time job last summer to be a SAHM. I don't want to give that up. I am upset that I'll be working so much & not be able to be here with them. I'm blaming myself now for being selfish & starting the divorce. I miss my husband. I keep asking myself "you've been living like this for the past 4yrs that you knew, why not keep going so we can stay together as a family?" 

I know it's not right for me to think like that. I'm just feeling very weak again. He's making it harder for me. I am wondering if I should just cancel the divorce. But I won't. I just hate thinking & feeling like this now after all that I've done so far in being strong. Hope this self doubt & blaming passes very soon.

Hello
I got tired of feeling upset, sad, angry, anxious, & crying all the time. So my dr Rx'd me an AD. I've been taking it for almost 2wks. I have not been able to cry or feel upset or angry. I've been reviewing & signing divorce documents. And inside my head I'm thinking omg this is so sad. But I couldn't actually feel sad, I couldn't even cry!! It's like I have no emotion. I know I should but I can't show it. I still laugh & smile at funny stuff. But the sadness & anger I haven't been feeling since I started taking this.  I guess maybe the medicine is working. But this just feels unnatural to me. My first time taking an AD. I don't want to not feel anything. Not sure if this is good for me or not.

Hoodwinked,

So sorry you're now going thru this. Your story is very similar to mine. One day my husband left his secret email logged in on our desktop computer. I saw many emails for craigslist m4m. Couple times after that I found stuff again. At one point while I was out of state for a funeral, I came home. Something told me to check craigslist m4m. Guess what I found? 2 of his ads w/d*ck pics! It's absolutely disturbing & disgusting. He had been using craigslist for a few years before I found out. It's extremely terrifying to know that they've put our health & safety at high risk.
    My husband tried denying it all. Would look me straight in the eyes, he was so believable even with the proof & evidence, clear as day.  I know what you're feeling, reading your post brings it all back & I remember the first moment like it was yesterday. It's been over 4 yrs since I first found craigslist, but there's been new things frequently since; whether craigslist, or gay hook up apps. I stayed for several reasons, no matter the evidence, I couldn't find myself to believe it. I loved him so much & he told me he did too & was very sorry. Promised it would never happen again. It's all lies. I know what it's like checking their emails, phones, boxers, all that.
     I'm divorcing him now. He says he got tired of me & my not trusting him, he stopped wanting me completely. I can't take it anymore. I'm still in the middle of this nightmare. But i just wanted you to know I greatly empathize with you.