Hello. After 39 years of marriage, I have recently found my husband's gay porn sites and that he has been unfaithful with men. I am being gaslighted. I have been reading posts and feel very conflicted. Here is a summary of our life:
*I have felt loved and fulfilled sexually as his wife until recently.
*Often in our marriage he has been irritable and did not handle anger well. I attributed this to his growing up as adult child in alcoholic home other sad family issues. I thought he had long standing depression from those issues, and he always denied this.
*We have had sex very little in the last 4 years. I thought this was due to increasing depression and his ED. My questioning him about this led to sex with him having poor erection. He has refused to go to MD about this. I also have female issues which has not helped. He has tried to bring sexual toys into the equation.
*In the last four years he has become more isolated and depressed which he denied. His increasing depression seems to correspond to the length of time he has been on porn sites. He finally admitted to meeting two men for sex in 2019. There probably are other occasions which he has not admitted to.
*He vehemently denies being gay. He does not like to use the word bisexual and states he would NEVER EVER admit to being gay. This is due to social stigmas. He will state he is attracted to women 70% and men 30%. He says he loves me very much; he wants to wake up next to a woman (me) and not a man and did not find sex with men satisfying. Even after my first seeing a text photo and confronting him, he continued to go to the porn site until I found the site.  
*We are seeing separate counselors. When he was discovered, he has felt some relief while I have just begun my journey. I am still angry and seeking help. He thinks I should be over this already and not expecting an apology every day. Last week he for the second time in his depression started spiraling down and he wanted to get drunk, talked of takin