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Is He/She Gay » I'm Wondering If He's Gay » January 31, 2022 7:56 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 15

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He is lying to you, but I also agree with walkbymyself, in that he is also confused and lying to himself. 
It is interesting, because I am seeing more and more people saying that their partner was sexually abused as a child. My partner was as well, but now, I think that is separate. I think that they want to have sex with men, or are attracted to men, and they have a hard time facing that, so they drag their partners down, and manipulate at all costs to keep their own illusions up. Also, the lack of sexual intimacy? because: I am tired, or my tummy hurts, or my back hurts, or I have a headache, or since you discovered my love of Gay porn or cyber sex with men, or encounters with men, I now have a hard time connecting sexually.
All lies.
and as much as it tears you down as a woman? You have to know that it isn't you, and that this was way before you. I hope you find courage and strength to find the closure in yourself, and the facts that you know from the secrets you unearthed are there and you don't need anything more than that. And if you want someone who is straight ? Then I hope you find the courage to walk right out of his closet. 

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » December 13, 2021 3:57 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 2395

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Hi Sean, 
I am wondering if you could share your thoughts on my situation.
For a while, I thought that my partner was having an affair with his ex. All messages were deleted out of his phone, his call logs, sent emails, he became very possessive of his phone...and other strange behaviors. 
One day I saw pictures of his ass on his phone, and I knew that was not a picture you would send to a woman. 
Earlier this year, I discovered he had a fake email account, and was on a down low site of men seeking men. He never posted any ads, but he did answer ads of other men. The ones I saw were replies to bi curious men or men looking for "clean discreet fun". I am an idiot for not looking at everything, to see how far he was going, were there meetups, I couldn't bring myself to see more. I was in shock at what I saw: he had fotos, videos, and sex chats with these men.
I got the courage to confront him, and told him that he owed me an explanation. At first, he first denied it, said he would do this to make fun of them. Then he admitted to having a problem and "being sick" and said that it isn't for the reasons I think it is. He was raped by his stepfather from age 4 to 13 or so, and that when he feels he wants to kill himself, he goes to these sites and does these chats, and it is his way to relive the trauma, and this time to be in control. He said he never met with any of the guys there, and that he never had any sexual attraction to men and that he has never had sex with a man nor has he ever dated one. He said that would be much better if he was because at least he would be normal and healthy, and that his reasons were far from it. He begged me not to tell anyone and told me if I did, that he would kill himself. He said he can not live with the pain of what happened to him, and the pain of facing what he did on those sites and of destroying our relationship. He told me he was in therapy, and the dr told him that he might have a multiple personality or fractured personal

Support » Do you feel like a victim? » December 8, 2021 11:57 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 49

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I think the most important thing is to realize that this had nothing to do with you. You did not allow this, it was outside of you or your control. Sadly, he took your right to choose, and that is not ok. If someone is gay or bi or trans or anything in-between and outside of that, they have the responsibility to tell their partner or spouse, and let them choose. He stole that from you. It is ok to be angry, to feel contempt, to feel the pain, and not to suppress the feelings. What happened to you was traumatic. Unfortunately I am at the beginning of this myself, so I can't offer any insight or help. I don't know you, but I will send prayers for you tonight. One day you will come out on the other side of this stronger, and perhaps even be able to love and trust someone. For now just take it one day at a time, and know you are not alone. 

Support » Looking for support group in Florida » December 7, 2021 7:30 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 2

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oh ok, thank you for your reply 

Is He/She Gay » What were red flags 🚩 to you ? » December 6, 2021 7:41 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 49

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1. Sorry to be personal, but its important to note he always wanted me to be on my stomach so he would have an orgasm, in retrospect he rarely had an orgasm if I was on top, or he was on top (missionary style). I guess my sex life is very boring, I just thought that was normal stuff, until now. 
2. He seemed to really not enjoy going down on me. It was like an obligation or chore when he did, also he didn't make much eye contact during intimacy. Foreplay was pretty much zero...
3. He was very interested in people's sexual orientation. We would be watching a film and he always loved to look up the actors, it was weird that he would always say, oh they are gay! or oh, they are bi! That for me is not even relevant. For him, he was always interested in this. 
4. Fotos on his phone or computer or tablet of his ass, this is something a straight man would send to a woman, that is a thing my gay guy friends would do to other gay guys.
5. He had numbers saved in his phone with no name (this is just sign of an affair, not of being gay/bi/etc)
6. Constantly deleting messages, his I message was almost always empty, also call history
7. All sent emails deleted 
8. VERY Long periods of time in the bathroom (I later discovered that is when he sent most of his pictures/ videos, or did a lot of  fishing/chatting with various men)
9. Having frequent excuses for not being in the mood for sex.  I am tired, or my stomach doesn't feel well...etc...etc....
10. Use of Muscle Relaxers

my heart goes out to everyone going through this. Never imagined what a nightmare / how devastating this is on ones heart, and mental health. Hope this helps someone. 

Support » Looking for support group in Florida » December 6, 2021 7:08 pm

ellefemme
Replies: 2

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Just wondering if there are any support groups in Miami, or anywhere in Florida for that matter, for straight partners in a relationship? Thanks

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