This is just so hard to process. I would say for 25 years or so, it was a good marriage; then it started getting a little weird and in the last year it started getting mean. I finally had to confront him on the mean and ask him if he needed me to let him go. he said he wanted a separation and moved down the hall. About two weeks later, I discovered the phone records. 6k to 10k texts a month exchanged with an attorney named John. Exchanged and erased. An additional 75 minutes per day on the phone. Poor guy, he didn't have an iPhone and every single exchange left a timestamp. (a gift from god)

this all went down in September/October of 2020. I was finally able to move out in April. The ink is not yet dry on the divorce. It is such a mind eff. He has not confessed, says I'm pathetic, crazy and don't know what I'm talking about. Our 3 adult children (21-25) are giving ihm a complete pass. I sense that he needs to pretend I don't exist, it is that deeply pathological. I loved him with all my heart and he needs to pretend I was nothing more than a bad dream. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. If not for my kids, I'd leave the state. I want nothing more than to leave the state; but I don't want to leave "Mr. Delightful" (and nothing more than that) with my kids.

I can't believe this is my life.