Thanks, Sam. I certainly wish her well.

Sean,
I want to thank you for taking the extra step of reading my story and commenting on the condom issue. My husband really tried to gaslight me on this one. I also want to thank you for your response to my question about worldview. Your description of seeing the world in blinding technicolor and the story about Dan Savage's experience really helped me begin to understand. I appreciate you sharing your own perspective. For some reason, reading your post left me with a sense of peace--something I needed as this holiday season has been tough.
 

My somewhat detailed story is in a different thread, but the bottom line is, after >40 years of marriage, I discovered my husband is gay. I have been trying to understand all of this, reading these threads, reading books, listening to podcasts. In a couple of different places I have heard that being gay is more than just a sexual orientation. For example, David Cotton was interviewed in the Graying Rainbows podcast, and he stated "Being gay is a sexual orientation, but it is not just about the sex. This has to do with the way I perceive the world and the way I interact in the world. And it's not necessarily just about sexual orientation. It's just he way I view things." I don't understand what this means. How do gay men view the world differently, aside from sexual orientation? I will appreciate any insight you can offer. This particular thread of yours, Sean, and the interview with Kristin on the OurPath Podcast have been extremely helpful to me. I have read and listened to the podcast multiple times. Interestingly, my husband (we are now separated) has also listened to that podcast and has recommended it to a group he started of older gay men in the process of coming out. So your influence is wide! Thank you.

Thank you, newtotheclub. It helps so much to know I am not alone, that others have been here and are coping. I am not familiar with timing my grief--will check that out. Also working on detaching. Taking care of me is a struggle, but I keep trying every day. The one thing I have managed to be consistent with is taking a 30 minute walk first thing in the morning. Hang in there and thanks for sharing your progress with me. It gives me hope.

Yes, I am done. I had already told my counselor 2 days ago that our marriage was over. This new info is painful, and I don't want to and don't need to know any more. I will be contacting a lawyer Monday to determine my options and next steps. Thanks to all for your support.