Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Lyla wrote:

....I'm on holiday in New Zealand...The results may be very different in other parts of the world.... 

 
*Waves 😄

But it's winter..! You must have come here for the skiing...lol

Elle

No...unfortunately, I don't think I'll make it down to the South Island this trip. I've been making my way from Auckland down to Wellington. In Tauranga now. Such a beautiful country!!  
 

 There's no reason you would need to out your husband to his family...or yours even. But you should tell someone (even if that someone is a therapist). I remember how awful and isolating it was keeping it a secret. You'll need support, too....And, like Elle said, keep posting here. We get it.

Hi Harlow—So sorry you've found yourself here. I understand you want to find happy/positive stories. I desperately wanted the same thing when my husband came out. Instead, I found a multitude of bi now/gay later stories, cheating stories —and posts by bisexual men who seem tortured by monogamy (on www.reddit.com/r/MarriedAndBi/ ....and other bisexual-related subreddits).

This is a great forum for people to share their stories...including red flags they may have missed...(There is tremendous value in that IMO). But, like most "support forums," you're not likely to find the happy stories you're looking for because happy people aren't spending their days in online forums....they're just living their lives. 

With that said—I don't think it's realistic to hope your husband's same-sex attraction is a phase....Your husband is bisexual. He will always desire men. Mixed orientation relationships can and do work. Nearly three years ago, I discovered I was in one. We are monogamous with no plans on ever changing that. The bigger issue in your case is not that your husband is bisexual...but that he downloaded a hookup app. For me, that would absolutely be a deal breaker....but none of us can determine your dealbreakers. The best we can do is listen and offer advice...While our stories are different....we all understand what you're going through. For me, personally, that meant a lot...because this experience can be incredibly isolating. 
Take care...and post any time. 

LMM wrote:

We’ve read some books by men who are bisexual and love their wives, have great sex and also have different arrangements called “monogam-ish” marriages where they have something with guys but emotional intimacy with the wife. They’ve done it for decades and are all happy. His therapist gave us those. But I know from this forum that sometimes the guy realizes he’s fully gay and wants just men. It’s so complex!

I think the expression is "having your cake and eating it, too."
If you were gay—or leaning heavily on the gay spectrum—wouldn't it be great to have your socially acceptable life (with a wife...and maybe 2.5 children)...and get to indulge your actual sexual fantasies on the side...out of public view? What exactly is in it for you, though?

I think it's important for you to lay your cards on the table now....and not make it seem like there's any chance of your boundaries changing. I do not see how the ambiguity benefits anyone. If monogamy is important to you (as it is for the vast majority of people), let him—and the therapist!!—know that. 

Lynne wrote:

Sam,  Would it be possible to remove   "Partners of Trans People"  from the paragraph under the new logo?.  We are straight.
 

This was a bit perplexing to me at first, too...but "partners of trans people" aren't necessarily straight....Ellen (now Elliot) Page's ex-wife, for example.