My first love decided he was gay and in love with my brother.  My 2nd love switched genders mid-marriage..  You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.  No amount of talking is going to fix it.  My heart goes out to you.  It sucks when you have a life-altering problem that you can't talk to other people about.  You can always talk to us here.  

He sounds gay.  It's not your fault that he doesn't want to have sex with you.  I remember living with a husband with slimy soft skin and breasts, and being tormented by lust for hard, hairy men.  You deserve better.  When I left my husband, I was still in love with him, and I felt like I was ripping out my heart with my own hands.  Looking back, I should have done it sooner.  That's always the way it is with me when I make major life-altering decisions -- when I look and see that I should have done it a year ago, I know it's time.
 

It’s been 30 years since my first marriage died when my husband decided he’d rather be a woman.   When I read about married men transitioning to become women, my first thought is, what a selfish decision.  Changing gender, is a choice, as opposed to sexual orientation, which is fixed and can’t be changed.  My heart goes out to all the spouses whose hearts are broken and lives thrown into chaos.  When I lost my husband to his decision to change genders, I felt as if he had killed himself. If being a woman is your husband’s “authentic self,” why does he seem, to the person who knows him best, as artificial as a purple foil Christmas tree?    I understand the overwhelming power of compulsion.  But to my mind, agreeing to marry someone automatically implies that you will retain your original style of genitalia.  There’s always a sacrifice involved when a married person changes gender; the question is, which spouse’s happiness will be sacrificed?   I’ve recovered from my first spouse’s change, and I have a good life and a good husband who plans on keeping his penis.  But transgender persons are increasingly in the media, and it’s now politically correct to fully support them in their quest to be new people.  I believe that all increased awareness can do for a straight spouse is to reduce the “ick” factor when we relate our experiences.   I also believe increased awareness encourages more people to take their compulsions to the next level.  I wish I knew of a way to increase public awareness of the human collateral damage involved, but that’s so un-PC.