Horrible and malicious. You are better away from him. Despite this treachery, my divorce was very painful: hard to be used this way. Acceptance of what happened is coming verrrrry slowwwwwly.

MJM017 its both heartening and disappointing that you had the exact experiences with your GIDH that I had with mine. Its good to be validated and not think you're crazy. So lonely and painful to have lived it though. You are absolutely right about needing joy and hope to move forward. These have been sorely lacking for me. My GIDH's secretive gay identity nearly destroyed me. I also wish I had left years ago. I'm free now though. It may take some time to recover, Cindy
 

I'm new here and was referred by my best friend. After reading some posts, I'm concluding my ex is gay. Wow.

I was with my now ex-husband for 37 years. We dated with him behaving what I thought was "normally" from 17 to marriage at 21. Then things changed completely.

He would not have sex with me on our wedding night. Then he was never interested in sex or intimacy. No spontaneous hugs or kisses. No desire or seeming attraction. Never placed his hands on me for any reason. Would not even hold my hand. He was angry at me quite a bit; always something I did to "exhaust him" like ask if he wanted to go out for ice cream. He had repeated 3-5 year dry spells when he would not have sex. He was always irritated with me if I wanted to talk about it. When we did have sex, he would go to the bathroom and come out with an erection.  He was like a robot: always coldly watching me for reactions, never appearing to enjoy. Many times he could not climax. It was always "my fault."

He sat in the bathroom for hours and many times needed to go urgently. I thought it was odd and never knew why. He always spoke very lovingly with a soft kind of look on his face to his boss Dan on the phone. We even moved to NYC so he and Dan could work in the same office. I had to homeschool my two kids and basically act as his servant. He would go out with Dan, but never with me. Had sex with my once in three years while we were there. They traveled together endlessly for work. Dan wanted him with him ALWAYS. One time I heard Dan sing to my ex-husband on the phone. My ex husband LOVED it, grinning and blushing (he didn't know my daughter and I could hear.) I felt disgusted without knowing exactly why. When I said I couldn't take his neglect and rage, and would do anything (counseling, see the doctor, whatever) he said: I'm not going to change. He left right before Valentines Day 2019. 

I KNOW now, after much anguish and therapy, that he was a narcissist. Whether he planned it or it was just socio