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Support » Feeling of Sexual Violation » January 8, 2021 4:17 pm

Ahisma
Replies: 31

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I'm really struggling moving past the feeling of sexual violation. I feel as though my ex put on a costume to be with me and I slept with and had a child with someone that I would not have consented to doing these things with.

I've shared a few of these feelings with my therapist but honestly haven't even shared the darkest parts of it and already feel misunderstood. It seems that she and most others (who haven't been through it) think I'm bashing gay people. Like I think gay people are disgusting. Which is so far from the truth. I have gay and bisexual friends that are lovely and I am appreciative of having in my life as friends. I wouldn't sleep with them or any of my female friends because I'm not sexually attracted to them. Let alone for eight years and have a child together. Yet, I'm supposed to just accept that this man violated my agency, took away my ability to consent, and move on?

I have panic attacks over this. I don't know how to heal from this feeling of violation.

Support » He Came Out a Week Ago » July 15, 2020 11:20 am

Ahisma
Replies: 5

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Thank you all for your empathy and encouragement. I will check out that first aid kit for sure. Love to you all.

Support » He Came Out a Week Ago » July 13, 2020 11:51 am

Ahisma
Replies: 5

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8 years of my emotional and mental sacrifice to help someone that I thought was struggling with addiction and insecurity due to a dysfunctional childhood. 8 years of the of prime of life. My flesh and blood to birth his child. My deep unwavering commitment to love him no matter what until death do us part. And he has delivered the single worst devastation to me on a platter presented as an unavoidable tragedy. I say that is complete and utter bullshit. He was never committed. I will never get those years back. I'd rather he was dead because then our future may be gone but atleast I'd have the memories. This is a complete wreckage of past and future.

I have had a week to process and I am still gutted but alt east capable of semi-functioning. My daughter and I will be okay. As a black woman my sacrifice has set me back an immeasurable amount of time and money that I couldn't afford. As a white male, he will bounce back like nothing happened. I am so glad I never gave up my independence completely. That is my one saving grace. I am still employed and I can take care of myself and my daughter.

The rage though. I have so much rage that a person could enter into the most sacred contract of marriage with another and have never really been able to commit. I waited until later in life to get married and have a daughter because I knew I needed to find myself and resolve some inner conflict before committing. He had indicated he made the same choice. What a joke of a human being.

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