Thank you for sharing this! I invited a friend of mine to do this together with me. Tomorrow night we're going to start sharing our compasses over Zoom.
I found going back over 2020 I actually had a remarkable year, and did many interesting things, considering the hot mess of Covid, discovery of perverse, homosexual activities, leaving my husband, and ultimately disclosure from him.
I'm sure doubling up with a psychotherapist and psychologist for the past year, having an incredible support group, has helped immensely. 
I plan on living an ultra-fabulous life moving forward! 
I think he probably did me a favor...I'm sure I'm going to be better off than him, in the long run.
I have nothing on my conscience and did everything in my power to be a loving, supportive wife to a lying, manipulative, fake man. He's a master of disguise and hiding his true identify.
I'm authentic, genuine and I think I will do just fine.
Happy holidays everyone, stay safe!

This is a really sad story and I feel for you. I'm sorry you are going through this. You are fortunate that she is talking about her sexuality.
"She says as a middle aged mum she wouldn't even know where to find someone else. She says she would like to but that it seems an impossible and intangible thing to achieve."
I don't believe this for a second. That's a suspicious statement to me. 

I'd say you have already suffered enough rejection and hurt throughout your marriage, to stay together would be setting yourself up for more pain. Especially because she wants to have sexual relations elsewhere with women and has said that sex with men disgusts her. How could you honestly handle a relationship without slowly dying inside? How lonely and dismal for you.
I'm a few months ahead of you from d-day and I was just as empathetic in the beginning. I think it's shock, our 'unconditional' love, you get into survival mode because your family has been blown up. Now I'm raging because reality is setting in. Having to rewrite my future because of this person that was not honest from the beginning.
I'm sure they know they're gay from a young age, I just think that fear stops them from living that life.
I also think fear is stopping your wife from leaving. Of course it's comfortable to be in a family unit, everyone wants that coziness and taking care of and relying on each other. Especially financially, let's be honest. But what about when she falls in love with a woman and decides to end the marriage? You will be even more devastated than now. 
We need to be extra careful where we invest our love and affection. Especially now that we know the truth. In these cases it feels like all the efforts, and carrying the marriage, were a complete waste of time and not appreciated.
How do they sleep at night knowing how much they hurt us?
I hope all goes smoothly for you. Please be prepared for a very 'rocky road' ahead. Emotions run high and you both need to find good therapists.

I came across this a few days ago and just love the advice from Chump Lady. It’s so true, it doesn’t matter what their messed up, dishonest sexuality is, they are deceiving, lying cheaters and abusers.

I came across these podcasts that are very insightful as well. Don’t let the name Helping Couples Heal deter you, they have excellent podcasts about betrayal and trauma. This one is a conversation with a sex addict.

https://helpingcouplesheal.com/22-the-truth-a-conversation-with-neil-strauss/

Hi Sean,
Thank you for your insight into the Straight Spouse’s situations and your experience on the other side. I have read all 157 pages and found it to be so valuable.
I have a question for you...
I am enraged by the silence that is expected from me. I want to tell my husband’s parents the truth regarding the breakup of our marriage. They have no idea of his random hookups, affair and charge and fine he received in a public park for lewd behaviour. I also want to contact the other man’s wife, that also has no idea what her husband and mine have been up to.
It’s not necessarily revenge I feel, it’s just the unfairness that he is lying and deceiving to everyone around him. I want to be exonerated I guess. To be heard, to be acknowledged that I have been living with a monster for 5 years. A person that posed as a Christian man and an outstanding individual.
I have been in therapy for 11 months but I am a ticking time bomb.
He gets away with a clean reputation while I look like a runaway (this is my second marriage) because I had to flee his abuse. The optics that I don’t value marriage is not a true depiction of my core family values.
I struggle so much with this.
What are your thoughts on telling my side of the story?

Karis, I can’t believe how much our stories are similar. I make those lists too.
My husband was always perfectly manscaped even though we rarely had sex. He was always in the bathroom, he said he has Irritable Bowel Syndrome but I doubt it. Probably from all the gay sex he was having. Always, always in the bathroom on the toilet. I found a douche of his and he said that was for his prostrate, I have found vaseline that he said is for his prostrate, also Cialis he takes daily but again, for that prostrate. You’d think taking Cialis daily would make you interested in your wife but nope. Now he is using ‘Dude Wipes’ for men out in the wild. He also says he has low testosterone if I ask him why he doesn’t have a sex drive. This isn’t true because he did his blood work and it was all just fine. All lies and excuses.
We never had spontaneous sex either. Never after work, never in the morning, he was never aroused seeing me naked and it always seemed like he picked fights with me so that he could storm off to another bedroom and not be intimate. I also understand now why he didn’t want to have sex sometimes. Because he wanted to save himself for the parking lots and hook ups. I found nude photos of himself and he said that he didn’t send them to anyone, he was just fooling around. He goes to nude beaches, he goes to parking lots that are known for gay hookups. I put a GPS tracker on his vehicle and found out within hours that he was lying about his whereabouts. He was going daily, and often twice a day, to different parks and parking lots.
I left him, just 6 weeks ago. He doesn’t know I know all about his secret life. I couldn’t confront him while I was still in the house, too scared of his reaction.
He has been telling me for a while now that the problem with our marriage is that I’m too proud, and he called me a snob, a prude and many other worse things. Oh yeah, that I’m shallow and not authentic and that he doesn’t trust me. All of these thing