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General Discussion » Attend a meeting of your local SSN! » July 23, 2020 10:34 pm

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LostIdentity- it did feel strange messaging someone about our situation, but by that point it was worth a shot to connect with someone who might understand!

I am 10+ months after finalization of divorce now. Things are better, but I would very much like to meet with others who may have gone through similar issues (when COVID situation allows). Any information would be greatly appreciated!  Dallas area!

General Discussion » Attend a meeting of your local SSN! » July 22, 2020 10:27 pm

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I attempted last year to email the contact person I was given in hopes to be able to start attending meetings, or meet with other straight spouses.  The person never replied.

If anyone here has info regarding meetings in the North Texas area, please.......... let me know!

Thank you

Support » Lost And Confused » June 14, 2020 10:34 pm

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Hi. Glad you found this site. And YES to what Lily said. One step at a time!  We were deceived. They don’t get better, they don’t stop this secretive behavior/activity.  If anything, they get worse. We were being used! 

It is hard, very hard!  Be proud of yourself for getting out of the situation, and my suggestion............stay out!  His ability to not respond or comfort the person he claims to care so much about speaks volumes!  My GX would give me the silent treatment when he wasn’t flat out lying to me.

It hurts, it’s unimaginable and so hard, but time helps. 
Good thoughts your way!

Strategies for MOM's » Newbie in Pain » June 7, 2020 11:26 pm

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Tabby-
I hear you!    I feel your pain.  I lived out a similar situation only I have 3 adult children & 2 grandchildren.  Over 35 years together & 32 years of marriage when I filed for divorce. My GX moved his boyfriend(younger than our children) in with him immediately. He had no respect for me or our children & family. The extreme weight loss, working out & change of attire all cane along with this too!  He’s gross, he’s a narcissist and he’s a huge pathologically lying asshole!  I don’t know why I didn’t open my eyes and see what was happening earlier, but I didn’t.  I’m extremely thankful I did though finally and divorced him!  He was a user!  He wanted a wife(beard), kids, and a job title & money he got from my family’s business. I was dumb, but I’m awake now! 

I’m in my fifties and it’s not easy starting over.  But I’ll be damned if I would knowing stay married to a gay man!  I got nothing out of being with him other than my kids. He was no husband, and I say this looking back. At the time I knew something felt off, but couldn’t put my finger on it.  He never would utter a word about attraction to men.  He knew his secret would be out & he wouldn’t be seen as the awesome husband, father and community member people thought he was. 

To hell with that.  It’s so painful and hard.............do what you feel you need to do, but getting the guts to divorce him is the best thing I ever did!  Things don’t get better over time with these gay in denials as far as I can see, if anything it gets worse with time!

Support » Feeling Isolated » March 19, 2020 11:06 pm

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Hi!  So sorry you are here, but glad you found this site. It is helpful to communicate with others in similar situations.

Divorce is very difficult to have to consider when you never imagined your life taking that path, but when TGT is an issue, it’s often the best choice. Not only are we dealing with a sexual orientation issue, but many times if not most, betrayal, lie after lie, and just disrespect by someone we thought was a partner, and would have our back for life! 

It is a difficult process, but can bring a great deal of peace in the end. I had been married over 32 years when I finally figured out exactly what it was I had not been able to
Put my finger on over the years (knowing something wasn’t right). After much pressure & questioning he admitted he was “wondering if he is bi”. I knew right then he was all out gay & there was no telling what had gone on over the years. And I ended up being correct. He was a pathological liar, as are most form what I can pick up on here.

Getting out sooner than later could save even more heartache.
Best wishes!

Support » meltdown » January 7, 2020 10:31 pm

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So sorry you are here, but glad you found this site. I agree with Rob. Take baby steps, one day or one hour at a time if needed. Although it’s hard to imagine now, you will look up soon and your life will be starting to turn around. It’s not without difficult times & decisions, but it is possible.

The key is getting out of this situation and staying out. These people Will suck the life out of us, if we keep allowing it!

Best wishes!

Support » Dating a Transgender man and struggling » December 31, 2019 10:17 pm

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I absolutely agree, you can’t help a spouse figure themselves out related to TGT, sexual orientation, etc.   get out sooner than later for your own best interest. I’ve never heard of a situation yet where the couple’s relationship improved or TGT got better, or a trans became “not a trans”.

And worse than the sexual part of all this, in my case and many cases I’ve followed, the gay or trans spouse became angrier, more vindictive, and just showed so much more lack of character as time marched on!  The resentment & anger just takes over many times. That’s when I came to realize reality about my GX. The mask had come off. I did not even know this person I’d spent most of my life with.

Best Wishes.

General Discussion » Embracing Absurdity » December 23, 2019 2:18 pm

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Thanks for posting this quote. You are exactly right about things.  This whole ordeal is absurd!!! 

Best wishes & Happy Holidays!!!

Support » I need advice on a situation that is probably familiar to everyone » December 10, 2019 12:49 pm

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This situation does tend to “mess us up”.   The fact that for many of these gay spouses/partners............they know they are gay, but we don’t.  We feel like something is not quite right, but we can’t put our finger on it.  The reason we can’t is because they lie, deceive, and frankly don’t care about us (their spouse) or our children.  They really don’t care who they hurt along the way to have their wants/needs met.  And it’s no way to treat a spouse, but where things really become clear is how they are willing to behave knowing they are hurting the children. 

Mine took advantage of me for the cover, for the family and for the $$$$ & position he got by being in my family. He was, like Lily said, an actor.  He faked a role for almost an entire life to stay in the closet & married to me for his benefit!

My advice........get out sooner than later!  THEY DON’T CHANGE!!!  NARCISSISTIC & GAY!!!

Support » Am I crazy? » November 29, 2019 1:25 am

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Lily-   I agree with your response.  In my case, at least, his behavior/actions were fully intentional.  He knew what he was doing was going to harm not only me, but our daughters.  He did not care.  I feel he enjoyed keeping me in this situation and felt powerful using this deception against me. He felt in control of something in his pitiful life by having the ability to do this to us.  It took me over 35 years (over 32 married) to finally figure out why things never felt right with him.  Of course he has played the victim, but nothing I could have done would have made a bit of difference over the years.............HE IS GAY!  And yes, he wanted to call it Bi, so maybe I’d stay with him & he could continue taking financial advantage of my family, NO THANKS! 

Divorced almost 3 months and happy I finally figured out the truth (or at least a big part of it). It was never real
for him, he knew he was attracted to males since the age of 7/8 yrs. I did not have this info about him for over 32 years of marriage, I would not want to be married to a gay man, but it is his lack of character & integrity or general decency as a person that made me know I had to get out of it!!!

Best wishes!

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