How long must those parenting meetings continue?  Is there any way you can say next to nothing, imply agreement and just be done with them?  Hey, he did plenty of lying, so it seems fair somehow.  He is going to parent his way and you will do the same.  Those meetings just sound hideous and abusive and a complete sham.  Try not to feed his ego by attempting to truly discuss your views and feelings.  Save that for a safe audience, such as your personal therapist.  Go as grey rock as you can.  Hugs to you.  I know this is all truly awful, but you will be okay.  You just need to survive the divorce so you can move on with as little contact as one can with kids.  Not to sound like Pollyanna, but you are actually doing great ... it just doesnt feel like it in your heart yet.  Hug your kids ... they are the reason you can and will be strong.

Lostdad,

I wish I had the answer on how to accept being single.  It is lonely alone.  I think it is good advice to give oneself time to adjust to the new reality, but I think it wise to have no artificial timelines.  If I meet someone who seems nice, is available, is HETEROSEXUAL!!!, I would not put them off just because it has only been x months.  I would go slow and cautious, but I would see where it went.  The goal is to be neither too fast and needy nor too slow and standoffish.  Mostly, just get busy living your new life and things are likely to take care of themselves.

Sue, your STBX sounds like a real asshole ... regardless of whatever sexual orientation he might be.  Thus I wonder whether going to counseling with him is really helping to improve communication or work out parenting decisions.  From what you describe, it very much sounds like further abuse.  I personally would stop agreeing to go and would state very clearly why.  "I have decided that attending joint counseling sessions with you is not improving our communications.  You may communicate with me regarding x,y,z via email.". No need to pay for the honor of being further victimized.  Endless discussions with someone intent on hurting and blaming you for his own shitty actions should just stop.  Focused emails on how child arrangements will be handled seems better.  Anything he sends that is off topic should be ignored and not dignified with any response.  Vent here or on chumplady.com, but do NOT interact with him unless absolutely essential.  Sorry you are going through hell ... the only way out is to just keep going.

Lostdad,   I sincerely believe that your crushing heartache need not be your children's experience.  They are young and will simply not understand the split in the same way as you.  They will adjust much better and faster than you imagine.  It is YOU who will suffer and hurt.  I am so sorry that you face this but you need to know that your kids will be okay as long as you support them emotionally.  This means taking care to do your own grieving away in private and being "okay" in their presence.

I think a ring is also a gift.  Didn't you say he gave it to you many years ago?  Traditionally, a ring was sort of like insurance or a good faith indicator that the man was truly committing.  And if he walked away before the marriage, it left the woman with something to help her until a new man could be lined up.  Sounds crazy in today's world, but back in the day ...  So I just wonder if you went ahead and sold it and used the money as you intend, if any judge would really require you to reimburse him.  Since you have to fix the roof any way, I think I would risk it.  Just hang on to the paperwork/receipt to show what you truly got for the ring so he cannot demand some inflated amount based on what he might have paid for it.  For all you know, he might not even think to ask for it and I certainly would not be reminding him!!  A gift is a gift and should not be demanded back.  I hope you can find a part time job that you enjoy to make that part of the story a bit better.  But not having him in your house and life is worth it!!!