Married 30 years. I am so sorry that you were going through this. My husband lost a job after 15 years because he was frequenting gay adult stores. He is still in denial. We separated six months ago. I can tell you that this has been a great resource for me. I believe it will help you. There is a lot of information here and the fact that a lot of people are experiencing the same things and hearing the same  is just reinforcement that we’re not crazy. I remember the early weeks after finding this information out. It can be overwhelming take care of yourself and reach out to people that you can trust.
I hope that both you and your husband get into counseling and please know that you’re not alone need to vent feel free to reach out.

Wishing you all the best.
Lori

18 months into this nightmare. Some days I’m ok but others like it just happened. Now I’m pretty sure he is with a woman. I saw him once of course lies and more lies.  In the beginning I only told close friends because I didn’t want to hurt him. I thought poor guy he can’t help who he is. Since then he has turned the tables. All of a sudden he just didn’t want to be married. He also says he’s not “THAT”. Can’t even say the word gay.  He was at a gay spa, Craig list pick ups, emails searches and the list goes on.  He now barely takes a call from me and when he does I am clearly a bother.  As if this situation wasn’t ugly enough. I no longer and keeping his secret!  I will find the woman or women and they will know what I know. I don’t want to see anyone else suffer and I don’t want him for a second to think it is ok!  Has anyone else kept the secret? How have you handled the situation?  Would you tell the New relationship? 

Still so heartbroken,
Lori

Leah

What a great article!  So spot on. Thank you!

Lori

Help!  I really am starting to feel like I’m losing it! 

17 months ago my husband lost his job of 15 years.  Why...because he was visiting gay adult stores/cruising places.  The most he ever admitted was being curious. He went to 2 therapy sessions with me.  After the 2nd he said he would never go back he felt like he was attacked.
The therapist simply told him that I had experienced a trauma. That was 6 months after he lost his job. I think the first 6 months I was in shock. By August we weren’t getting anywhere other than he’s curious. I asked him to be out September 1st.  He rented a room a couple of towns away. 7 days after he left I found an email he sent to join a gay men bi group. I of course confront Him....it’s not what I think.  At this point I want to believe him.  We were very involved in church he was incredibly kind to me mostly. Narcissistic but I loved him. Fast forward he was at a gay spa, found searches on computer that included hot tranny grannies, gay massage, father and son gay sex and I can go on.  The tears never stop. Yesterday, his car/our car needed to be towed. I helped get it taken care of.  I had an odd feeling last night and took a drive by where he lives.  He arrived as I did.  He was in the passenger side and a woman was driving. He never saw me they were there at least an hour +.  I left. So now what the hell is he doing?  I am so broken.  Every time I step forward something knocks me. A new discovery. They never stop.
I thought some how that he truly loved me and didn’t want to hurt me.  In the end of October he still thought he would be home for thanksgiving. Obviously I was never ok with that. 
But is her really going to do this again. I am wife #3.

Please is he gay? Did he ever love me?  When do the tears stop?

Open to any and all advice o. How to get passed this.

Lori

Hang in there. The journey is long and emotional. The first 6 months I pretended there was no issue. I helped him get a new job and provided him with the support I thought he needed.  Do yourself a favor and confide in close friends and family. It really does help. You will have lots of ups and downs and financial worries definitely complicate an already complicated situation. I feel for you and hope to hear from you soon.

God bless
Lori