Just read an excellent article on Ending the Relationship with a Narcissist:

http://esteemology.com/ending-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-the-art-of-detachment/
 I am in stage 2 of this horrible nightmare and really should change my handle on this site bc I'm NO longer lost but very aware at this point and working towards regaining my sanity, empowerment and life, in general back to some sort of normalcy. Right now as I get my "ducks in a row", there feels to be a calm before the storm.  I've been calling him on any lies in our "everyday activities" when I find them, doing things apart from him and becoming more independent in the best subtle ways one can without arising too suspicion.  Seeing the last of 3 lawyers next week to feel confident I covered everything financially and followed by my counseling to keep my emotions in check.  For me, there will be a huge financial change in lifestyle as I start the search for returning to the work place....after taking an early retirement from a career I probably can't return to meaning much less money.  I plan to go on a 2 week vacation in October and no one deserves this better than I do!  At this point, I no longer wonder and worry just WHAT he'll be doing while I'm away and no longer feel the need to track any of his devices.  I have the proof in my head and heart even though I had deleted all of the physical proof....I know the truth now... That's all I need....haven't figured out the when or how all this will come down but will work it through between the lawyer, counselor and job status.  I won't be staying in limbo very long....  Just wanted to share all this and always open for suggestions here. I thank all of you for sharing on this site.  It was VERY helpful and just knowing I'm not the only one going through this nightmare!  

THE ABOVE LIST WAS TAKEN FROM THE SITE HERE SO I AM NOT TAKING CREDIT FOR IT...but have been using a few of these and it has made things emotionally less stressful.  The counselor I recently saw in dealing with the emotions made me aware that I'm living with a "room mate" especially regarding the finances bc he doesn't offer me all the qualities I sorely need and expect in a "normal relationship"...Also, I've been hoping to find a face to face support meeting but the only meeting is over 2 hrs from my home.  Has anyone benefited from these meetings and if so, can you share your experience?  I'm hoping they are during the daytime.  It would be pretty difficult having to explain just where I was for over 6 hrs....not looking to make any waves in trying to secretly get my ducks in a row at this point.

L & S...I feel you have made an excellent first step in regaining your strength and control of YOUR life by making an appt. to see a counselor.  I finally did this last week and she put things in an interesting perspective for me in just that one visit.  For me, I need to treat this "relationship" as him being a ROOM MATE bc he is living in MY home.  It has changed my thinking to what I DON'T have which s/b a loving, trusting and intimate partner.  He is NOT any of those things and what little interest he "appears" to show otherwise is just using me for that "cover" as you have read in these posts.  Anything that serves his own needs for whatever purpose is the reality I'm facing.  Yes, there are things he does that are king and generous but a room mate can also share this with me.  For me, I'm quietly getting my power back, getting the strength I need to make a major decision in my life.  At the time it is healthy for ME, he will know that I KNOW everything but now I am searching online for a part time job which will give me the finances to have a financial reserve when this fiasco blows up.  It will be on MY timeline, when I feel comfortable and financially stable to deal with the emotions of a death in this relationship I thought I had.  Yes, a counselor is the first step(in my opinion) to regain your power and ensure you do not set a pattern with someone IF you choose to search for a healthy relationship in your future.  This sucks but we are much stronger than we think.  

PitGuy76....I am sorry you went through all you did but pleased you found us here on this site.  It will help you to see the patterns of behavior we have all put up with.  If I may offer some simple advice and suggest seeing a good counselor to work through your problems of low self esteem and insecurity which you mentioned in your post.  You will see from many posts, that we all have many of the wonderful characteristics that you shared with being strong and forgiving, trying to make a futile relationship work but for who's benefit?  I have told my story here in several posts and have been trying to channel all this hurt and betrayal into positive energy to help myself become a strong and effective person and to avoid falling into a similar pattern.  I am putting all my effort into moving from that "victim" and into a "butterfly"....see how wonderful life can be after we get our wings back and live the happiness we all deserve and not the toxic place we've unfortunately all experienced.  I am seeing a counselor today to work on all the emotions this horrible experience has brought us.  I wish you a peaceful place and hope you will continue your posts here to even just vent and help you face what needs to be done.  Hugs..

Update....saw the 2nd lawyer yesterday(free consult) and basically said the same as the first lawyer...worse case scenario which I can definitely live with is that my partner is entitled to all the furniture he's purchased(which is everything except my bedroom set) and possibly reclaim the diamond ring(which I hoped to sell to help pay for the friggin roof I now need!) bc it was for the intention of marrying....so what!  All the financial investments he put in this house for repairs, updates and renovations are "gifts"....it was his idea and yes, his money but they are considered gifts.  Financially, I'm sitting decent but will have to RETURN to work part time(I retired a few years and enjoy a VERY active lifestyle which is shattered bc of him) to carry the rest of my household bills that the GID is presently paying for.  Next step is the counselor I have appt tomorrow.  I have a list of all this emotional roller coastering I've been experiencing in dealing with this B.S.  Lots of anger, sprinkling of the denial still there, mourning over what I thought I had and the list goes on.  I hope she is equipped to guide me through all this...I'm more concerned to learn why and how to deal with the co dependency involved and to NOT continue any patterns!!!