There's a big difference between "accept" and "embrace".  Accept means to believe, or come to recognize as valid.  Embrace means to support willingly and enthusiastically.  They are not one in the same.  To accept something means that you are not in denial of it.  In this case - it would mean not being in denial of her sexual orientation of being attracted to women.  You would accept it as truth - that she is telling you the reality of her thoughts, and you are acknowledging what she's telling you as truth.  But no, you do NOT have to embrace it.  You do not have to give your blessing to her to go have sex with others.  I highly doubt this would ever be this confusing if she'd said this about another man - that she's also attracted to other men, and she'd like your blessing to go sleep with them.  The gay thing doesn't negate the fact that she's asking you for your permission to sleep with others.

She is being very manipulative in how she insists that she can have feelings that she needs to explore, but when you have feelings, you need to grow up.  Clearly she feels that her feelings are much more important than yours.  That's not likely to change.  Once they cross this bridge they seem to be impossible to tug back.  It's like they turn into the Gollum in Lord of the Rings - and their sexual attraction and desires toward others becomes them fondling the ring, repeating "My Precious!"  You won't be able to convince her that anything but that is most important now.  But that doesn't mean that you should give in to her wanting to break her marriage vows with your permission and blessing.  That's just ludicrous.  Can you imagine thinking that you could come to her and ask that she do that for you - so that you could sleep with other women?  That you needed to "explore" sleeping with other women - with or without you?  That's so selfish and cold and unfeeling.  It speaks volumes to the fact that she's already made up her mind.

She says her heart is still with you.  That's a lie.  If that were true, she'd have no desire to go anywhere else - "with or without you".

Kel

In general, people who have nothing to hide don't behave poorly when you find something out.  Because it's not something incriminating.  It goes to show though that they DO know that what they're doing is wrong, and will be received poorly, and reflect poorly on them.  If they didn't think that, they wouldn't be hiding it.

And yes, they act like teenagers throughout much of this process.  They hide the reality of the situation, and then expect when you find out that you'll be supportive of them - much as an entitled child would do.  But they won't let on that they really think that - they'll act as thought they thought YOU would want to help them because they thought YOU loved them!  Which is nuts - you thought she loved YOU, right?  And yet she did this?  Turnabout isn't fair play, as far as they're concerned.  Because they don't WANT it to be.  When all else fails, they'll act as though they just can't see your point.  Because that would mean they'd have to make adjustments.  And they don't WANT to.

And yes - you're 100% correct - this is her doing this.  You had nothing to do with her choice.  If you did, this wouldn't be the end result.

Cut bait and go fish elsewhere.  Sounds so much easier than it is to do, I know.  But that doesn't mean it's still probably not the best thing to do, in the end.

Kel

It has been one hell of a ride to this point. My emotions have been all over the place and continue to be! she has come as lesbian, not bi and wants to separate in the house for now. She has told me she loves me, but is not in love with me and never sees herself being intimate with me again. WTF!!!! My counselor has suggested that I use the time of separation to begin acting like we are no longer in a relationship but it is so hard to take that step! I can't figure out why I want to continue to be there for her even after she just spent the past weekend with her GF. She claims they just kissed and had dinner and shopped and didn't have sex with her because she was thinking of me and she felt bad. This would have been my wife's first gay sexual experience had she gone through with it. She also claims she broke it off with her GF while we try and work out our own issues. She has come out to her sister and a few friends as a lesbian, not bi like she first thought. Am I fool? We told our oldest boy, he is 22, that we are separated and he is very angry. We'll tell the 11 year old tomorrow. I so want to find a way to make this work for us but she insists that I have a right to find intimacy too, that it will take time but I will find another woman. I never thought after 28 years and 50 years old that I would be here, struggling every minute of every day with this. The pain is terrible!