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July 3, 2017 5:19 am  #21


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

The wild excuses some of these men have when caught is just laughable. 

F'inglies - He didn't have time to "explore" because you married young? OMG. Ridiculous!  Straight males don't "explore" sex with other males. One thing they all seem to have in common when caught. They come back with some of the most ridiculous excuses for not considering their straight spouse. 

Mine never said that. He just called me crazy when I caught him. At 66 he had decades of spinning up outrageous excuses. He lies like I breathe and he does it very well.

 

September 4, 2017 9:33 pm  #22


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

SturdyChan wrote:

Thoughts , suggestions , ideas, what do you do!!....

Reading through the threads I've contributed to.....I came upon yours and wondered how you are....
 ....so....how are you getting on?


KIA KAHA                       
 

April 7, 2018 10:31 pm  #23


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

I'm brand-new to the site and want to say thank you for your stories because they make me feel stronger.

I am straight but had a fantasy of being with two men ever since my husband showed me a MFM porn video when we were newlyweds. I never acted on it. Fast-forward a couple of decades when he suggested he could help me play out that fantasy. I thought it would be a one-time thing that would spice up our marriage but instead it broke open the dam and he told me he was "bi-curious."

Everything else about us was harmonious, so we decided to try an open marriage where we both went out and found other partners. I am so very sorry we did that. It messed up my idea of love. I am now blessed to have a potential future with a man who honestly loves and desires me with his whole being, but I am still trying to heal after my divorce.

My ex and I pledged we'd remain friends but he became angry when I sought alimony. I've lost my best friend but I realize I was manipulated. I could have married someone else back in the day if I'd been given the chance to make an informed decision rather an an uninformed one.

I would be interested in corresponding with anyone else who tried the open marriage route. How did that work for you? I vacillate between (a) wondering if I should have stuck in there longer and we could have made an open marriage work, and (b) being glad I am divorced so I can build a new life.

 

April 8, 2018 12:16 pm  #24


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

From what I've seen related here, the open marriages are rarely truly "open". The appear to be open to only one person, the spouse with the SSA or bi- aspect. This leaves the other partner feeling short-changed. It is possible that there are working examples of open relationships and perhaps that gives neither party any reason to come here. It's always a personal choice and I think you spoke your truth when you said it messed up your idea of love. Who knows what long term exposure would have done to you, at even a sub-conscious level? To quote Shakespeare "This above all: to thine own self be true,"


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

April 8, 2018 4:07 pm  #25


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

CjsView, option (a) is no longer a available to you so it is not worth wasting time pondering. You are divorced, he is no longer your "best friend" and the only option you have is (b).

Continue to work on your healing and embrace it.


Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
 

April 11, 2018 4:57 pm  #26


Re: Manage same sex desire and not cheat

Thank you, Daryl and Abby, for your thoughtful replies. You're right - who knows what effect an open marriage would have had on me long-term. As it was, I gave it a try for 3 years. And I do need to move on, as the door is closed. Funny, though how our heads feel one way and our hearts another. It will take a few years, I think, before mine are back in sync.

Last edited by CJsView (April 11, 2018 4:58 pm)

 

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