Hello Solost.  I'm sorry you are lost.  Hopefully we can help you find your way through this storm.  Just remember that it's only a storm and you will get through it and find peace and happiness on the other side. 

A couple general words of advice that I give to everyone.  As Dee mentioned, go see a Dr. to get tested.  If you are struggling with sleep or anxiety ask about medicine.  Life is hard enough right now, add anxiety attacks and lack of sleep and you won't be able to function and care for yourself or your kids.  Find a support network.  This place is a great start.. but if you can trust a parent or siblings or best friends.. please reach out to them for help and support.  There are also local chapters of str8 spouse support groups in nearly every major city.  Stick around here and pour your heart out anytime you wish.. just the act of writing out your feelings is great therapy.  Consider getting a therapist for yourself and a councilor for your marriage.  Having a professional to help you work through your feeling is huge.  Having a professional to help you and your spouse communicate and discuss the situation can also be very helpful. 

The hardest thing for you will be to determine if you believe what he is telling you.  Clearly he has a SSA (Same-Sex Attraction) or he wouldn't be contemplating personal ads.  So.. what will he do in the future?  Do you think he can put that genie back in the bottle and live a happy hetero life with you?  Is he gay or is he bi?  Will you be able to trust him in the future or will you always have that nagging fear?  These are really hard questions and none of us know him so we can only guess. 

I will share some of what I've seen from the collection of people here.  What you are told when you confront your spouse is typically only a portion of the truth.  Most gays who are in a stright marriage come up with an excuse for why they "turned gay" and most often it's either porn that converted them or inappropriate contact at a young age that is used as an excuse.  A same sex attraction is typically something that they realized in early puberty and it is just how they are wired.. it's not something that they can change.  Their desire to hide this and try to be "normal" is usually much stronger in their younger years, but as they age they tend to come to terms with who they are and the urge and desire to fulfill that need become stronger and stronger.  As the world becomes more accepting and they get older and start to consider the rest of their life, most decide they can't hide it anymore.  I'm probably painting a sad picture for you.. but these are the common themes here.  They don't necessarily have to happen in this way for you and your husband though.  

I completely understand what you mean when you say your world is shattered.  Those were my same words a year ago when I was in your shoes and found out that my wife of 16 years was in love with a married woman and wanted to divorce me.  Shattered!!!   What you will find out though is that there is a new world in front of you.  That future you envisioned is wiped away and replaced with a different one and that can be just as good.  You are still young (relative to most of the people here) so you have lots of life left to live in happiness.  Also, your kids are young and that is a blessing as they will do much better through a divorce at a young age vs. older..  (if that's the direction you go). 

We are here for you!  Let us know what we can do to help, what advice we can offer, and how we can help you through this.  

I know that my ex was molested by an older boy as a child and after we were married he admitted to being "bi". He said he wanted only me and we went on and started our family. My experience also is that the desire for a relationship with men became stronger as he grew older. I know that he lost interest in me sexually after our children were born but I did not know until after he announced that he was gay and wanted a divorce that one of our sons had found gay porn on the family computer years before and had known that it had to be his father's.

We were married over 30 years when he made his announcement. With cell phones and websites it is so much easier now for them to seek and find what they want now so the truth comes out sooner. What part the molestation plays I don't know but the fact your husband desires sex with men will undermine your marriage going forward, and there is a probability that there has been activities that he is not acknowledging.

What do YOU want for your future knowing what you know now? Don't decide to stay because of his talk about waiting for you.  This is an impediment to a heterosexual marriage but one that doesn't get revealed
until after the ceremony. At ours the only straight men in the wedding party were our brothers.

Our children were grown when he left but I am happy to have my life back and not be in his closet.



 

TD?  Is this the TD from the old site??  If so, welcome back!!

Solost - Welcome.  We will help you through this.  Please take everyone seriously when they tell you to stop having sex.  He's putting you in a very dangerous situation.  It's bad enough when we find that they are watching gay porn but when it progresses to the craig's list level, it's progressed past the point of no return.  Phoenix is right, what you're getting an admission to is only the tip of the iceberg.  What they admit to is always always always less than what is actually going on.  We see it over and over.  And in my own life it was the same story.  I got just enough of an explanation to sort of half ass make enough sense for me to rationalize it away.  Then later when I found more porn, more dildos, I got a more ramped up explanation.  "Oh, now you found this?  Ok, well you see, that's because of XYZ and I didn't tell you before because of (insert some dumb excuse here)."  My all time favorite was:  "oh you found that I ordered another stash of sex toys?  Well you see, I told you I wasn't watching any gay porn anymore and I haven't, that's not gay porn so idk why you're even mad!"  Kill me now.

But Craig's list....you're in a whole different level of bad.  Just be careful.  Make sure if you work outside of the home that he's not bringing people into your home when you're not there (yes, we've seen that happen here before).  And as for his excuse that he was only messaging but that nothing ever happened (which I believe to be BS)....if I messaged back and forth on a website about planning a crime, got caught by the police, and then told them but I didn't do it so it's fine that I've just been planning it for two months but nothing ever happened, I'm sure the police would say, you're right ma'am, move along, here's your computer back.  NOT.

I notice you mentioned that you hadn't looked through his history in a very long time.  So - what were the reasons you searched it before?  How long ago was it and what did you find?

 

I should also quickly add that I have only ever slept with my husband. 
This all actually started with him telling me he wanted to have another man over for ME a couple years ago.  I have always refused because I hold our vows sacred and never wanted to sleep with anyone else or put our relationship in jeopardy like that.