OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



July 24, 2017 9:22 am  #11


Re: another newbie, 1st post

You continue to impress me with your clarity and decision making.  You are doing fantastic!  Keep moving forward a day at a time and keep to your guns on your boundaries and decision making.  

Just remember that you are allowed to feel those emotions, to cry, to take a day off and just stay in bed if you need to do that.  

You mentioned all the decisions to make.  I found myself having anxiety attacks due to all of the decisions that needed to be made months in the future.  I'm a planner.. always looking to the future and trying to develop a strategy.  I had to learn to retreat from the future a bit.. To let things I couldn't impact go and deal with them later.  Deal with today's decisions when you are able and don't think about the ones coming months in the future. 

Keep sharing..  ask any advice you wish.. we are here for you!


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

July 25, 2017 11:00 am  #12


Re: another newbie, 1st post

Hi Hope,

I'm sorry this is so hard. 

From what I've read on your above update, you're on the right track.  You need space, and you weren't reluctant to make that happen.  Realizing what you want (that you can't be in the same home with him right now) is a good thing - it means you're tapped into your feelings enough to understand them and respect them.

Is there a way to have him to do your billing through mostly electronic communication?  I realize that having someone else do it will cost money, and you're trying to make a way toward financial independence right now.  But I also think that you need to break free from feeling like he's doing you any favors / giving you something.  It can tangle our minds up if we are accepting things from people who we're angry at and trying to gain some space from.  I know it would be a big clusterf*ck to try to transition your billing away from him.  But it might be worth thinking about - he really shouldn't have active access to your finances if you're planning on divorcing from him.  I know you'd likely think that he'd never steal from you - and maybe you're right.  But you also didn't think he'd do these other (even worse) things to you, either.  You might want to consider that you really don't know him right now.

You are still entitled to have all your good memories.  Just don't let something from your past have the same weight as the present.

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum