Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Fri Jul 14 4:36 pm  #701


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Hi Sean... I am not as active on this forum as I once was so you are unlikely to recognise my name but I just want to say a huge thank you for your dedication to helping straight spouses. I think it's self-evident that you have been a huge help even though some find the very idea of a gay man posting here confronting at first.  Your honesty is commendable. The truths you speak are confronting and yet are often the jolt many straight spouses need to see the realities of their situation.

This forum has been very fortunate to have some great gay contributors over the years. First Difflurker (Diff), then Cameron and more recently yourself. (Sorry if I've forgotten anyone.) Providing support here can be exhausting so I have the utmost admiration for what you have done. I have not seen the narcissism or attention seeking you have referred to and I think that kind of assessment of your motivation is unfounded. Few people would seek attention by committing hundreds and hundreds of hours to help others.

Thank you for being an ally of Straight Spouses.  I wish you and your family peace and love. .

Last edited by Steve (Fri Jul 14 7:02 pm)


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

Mon Jul 17 2:10 pm  #702


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

I agree with Steve.  Sean, your input has been so valuable here.  When I very first came here (on the old site) we had Diff and Cameron.  I was so so grateful to have input from someone who could see things from the other side and help explain the situation.  Your thoughts and input have helped hundreds of people. maybe more. Whatever the reason you came, the end result was that you made a huge difference.  Please come back any time if you feel you're ready.   

 

Mon Jul 17 2:33 pm  #703


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

I agree with everyone else you helped immensely. Thank you. I wish you luck with repairing your family.

Last edited by Demons-halo (Mon Jul 17 3:20 pm)

 

Mon Jul 17 2:33 pm  #704


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

I found SSN....probably too late to help my 32 year love of a man who now wants me to be okay with him 
seeing/fucking/fantasising/messaging/chatting with other men. He was okay with counseling up til last night, when he said he wasn't interested in going anymore. He feels it's not helping, it's making it worse. 

I feel like I'm alone. 


" Taking it....one day at a time...."
 

Mon Jul 17 2:53 pm  #705


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

ellexoh,

We are not really alone.  We have just lost our best friend and spouse.   What I'm finding is the world is not centered around them...they made us think that it is ..and it would be ok if they were normal..but they are just hurtful, insatiable beings.     You or I could never do this a friend let alone spouse..  but they want us to say for them its ok.. its ok if you hurt me...      it is not.  

Gather strength ..  start thinking about what you want .   For myself I wanted a loving safe home where someone didn't hurt me over and over.  


a kind virtual hug


 


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Mon Jul 17 3:03 pm  #706


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Rob wrote:

ellexoh,

We are not really alone. 
a kind virtual hug

 

Virtual hug accepted with thanks  It hurts that the only people who know my life is 
crumbling....is the counselor and a group of wonderful peer-supporters....on the other side of the world!
 


" Taking it....one day at a time...."
 

Mon Jul 17 3:27 pm  #707


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

We may be on the other side of the world but we are still here and on your side with support and understanding of people that have or are going through what you are.
My wife in the middle of our marriage counseling just came out and said. I feel like all this counseling is trying to help me not be gay. Which killed our counseling right there on the spot with our counselor saying I can't help you.

Last edited by Demons-halo (Mon Jul 17 3:28 pm)

 

Mon Jul 17 3:35 pm  #708


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Demons-halo wrote:

 

I feel my partner thinks the counseling is me wanting him to 'not' be bisexual, 
when all it is...is a process of understanding on my part that will hopefully lead 
me to a definite decision on where it's best for me to be. 
His refusing to go to the appointment today feels like a milestone-choice from him
 


" Taking it....one day at a time...."
 

Tue Jul 18 4:49 am  #709


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Well you can ask Sean if couples counseling helped him...or individual counseling of himself or then wife...

I was going to counseling for me..my ex did not want the marriage and would not go to any counseling.

My therapist's statement when I first found out...I "would be supported whatever I chose...your wife is gay. .do you really think you can fix that"?

Seems standard..these spouses are fine and we are all in therapy.  They say you can spot a narcissist by the path of destruction they leave around them...


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Tue Jul 18 10:04 am  #710


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Sean, thanks for being here and being a voice in the wilderness.  You have changed lives, to be sure.

I wish you all the best.  Stop by now and again to say hi.  You're family.

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

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