I question the use of counsellors.  Once they have a secure home and don't need to go outside it to have a voice, then I think the dangers a counsellor could represent outweigh the unlikely hope that you find one that actually really does understand.

There is nothing truer than children learn from example.  You're giving them a good example to follow.  You're showing them that love matters, honesty matters, mental health matters.  This will stand them in good stead.

I think it is important to be honest about the whole gay thing.  The emotionality is different to straight - the gay child is caught between a parent who loves them but isn't clued into them and a parent who is clued into them but is pretending not to be.  The straight child gets a parent who loves them and is clued into them and a parent who isn't clued in and unavailable anyway.  Everyone except the GID is getting confused and we all know how badly a GID reacts when they feel their closet is being threatened.  even by an innocent child.  

I think in terms of the future relationships for the children there is no fix - it's happened, they have grown up with an emotionally unavailable parent and this makes them vulnerable to accepting emotionally abusive treatment from that gender as they don't know what good treatment feels like to make the comparison.  The healing happens when they form a relationship and get good treatment and so you don't want to stop them but you know they are vulnerable.     Being aware helps, being trustworthy helps and you are providing this in spades - you can look out for them and hope they will bring anyone they are interested in home for you to meet. 

hope that helps, all the best, Lily

 

HI JK

This is one thing I am struggling also with.  I am leaving my GIDH because I want my two sons to grow up in a healthy home and to show them that is not okay for a woman to suffer in a relationship/marriage.  That both partners need to be happy, healthy and in love.

I took my eldest to a therapist who engages with him through playing.  It is amazing how much of his frustrations she picked up and also discovered stuff that my husband told him that I had no idea about.  But best off all, he learns to be the boss of his own emotions and happiness and to make "clever plans" when his heart is unhappy.  He loves this and it is a great help since our communication can be so open now.  My kids are very small though and I think the way forward will be by example and regular talks.  They are way too small to understand TGT now.  I decided when that question pops up I will be honest with them and leave it up to them to learn and understand it bit by bit.

I think most importantly is to teach your child that it is important that the person he is with will accept, understand, respect and love him.  I also try to build their self confidence and self worth.  Hopefully, that will be enough for them to choose better than I did. And when they have to deal with this issues, that they will find a stronger place within themselves.  I try to be accessible and never freak out when they tell me something or do something wrong.  That way they will be comfortable to approach me with anything - I hope...

Hope to hear from others who has gone through this already.

Rgds
Mrs Lonely
 

She is amazing