I guess I hadn't really thought about it like that.  When he initially reached out to her it wasn't as a client it was as the pastor of several of her clients.  Wanting to know how what her basis of counciling was.   I have expressed several concerns that I've had about his council and she feels like he pushes his agenda a bit much.  Telling me what I should be doing based on his opinion.  Then he announced that he went to see her to the church.  When I asked her if he had tried to discuss me she assured me that they had not discussed any of her clients.   More like an interview of sorts.   

Anyway I don't know. She's helping me move forward.  Encouraging me to take the next step.   To tell him that I want him to move out.

Not sure I want to start this all over with another councillor. 

I truly appreciate this forum so much.  I pull strength from so many of you.

I'm not moving out.  She told me to ask him to leave.  I've spoke to one lawyer already but plan on speaking to a few more.  I'm really hoping to stay in the house for at least 12 months with the kids.

I just think the less I can disrupt their lives the better.  Give them time to adjust.  With his work schedule 75% of their time is spent with me. 

Kel,
I know he probably won't leave, but I'm willing to sign something saying he isn't abandoning the kids.  I don't think he'll agree to any of it to be honest.  He is still in save the marriage mode.  Save the marriage by making me feel guilty, not really working on any issues he might have.  I really have no idea what my options are.   It's all very overwhelming.

Hey Bec, All,

There are ups and downs.    I think before when I was married  I like to think there were not so many ups and downs..but I can now see that is not quite true... since my then wife had this horrible secret she was apparently starting to loath me as years went on.   So my life seemed steady as rock and boom....a wife texting her girlfriend 24x7 followed by a rapid discard of me.  How scary that her love and loyalty was so shallow..so fake.  In-authentic.

I would pay a million dollars for the life I had before if it was with an
authentic loving and loyal wife.   But if you put a gun to my head I would not take my ex wife back...the person she was or I thought she was is gone.
The person she proved to be I am mortally afraid of .. a person without morals..capable of infinite hurt...a person that makes the playground bully look like a saint.

My past is make real by real kids though.  I gave true, fierce, and honest love.   My future...well that's still being written but its away from an abuser and denier. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Shari,

I don't know.. Most people I talk to seem authentic.   I guess I have to hope that there are people that don't have a dark secret...people that mean what they say and say what they mean?

Not sure I have to worry about trusting for now.  I'm quite alone.