Hello Phoenix,

Thank you for your feedback. I didn't sign up for it either, nor did I sign up for the fact that my wife and I have had many separations since she misses her home country Taiwan and her mom is there too. Many other issues in our relationship too and I'm going into psychotherapy, but interestingly enough I have been unusually open minded and do not get jealous. So I was hoping that someone who has actually made something like this work could post here.

I'm very sorry that you are going through this...  at least probably, unless your situation works out for you.

I was in a relationship with a woman that I knew to be bisexual and when she fell in love (or lust) with another woman, she suggested that we try polyamory.  The upside is that you get to have some threesomes and the down side is that you have to learn to deal with the hurt and jealousy of knowing that your supposed love is out giving that love to someone else and not you.  You say you're not very jealous, and I'm not either, but I didn't understand how jealous I could feel when being left alone in my house over and over again, while my wife was out with her girlfriend.

The key word to polyamor success is "compersion", which is the act of learning to enjoy your loved one receiving love from someone/anyone else besides yourself.  This is supposed to be combined with you getting some new loving outside the marriage yourself.  There is a site very much like this one that helps people with lots of reading, support forums and advice.  You can try it out if you want...  here's a link to their message board, which was a step on my way to coming here..  http://www.polyamory.com/forum/ - If there's a problem with it being posted here, just let me know and I'll take the link out.  Along with compersion, there are some other "rules" and exceptions for when people have a "polyamory freak-out", which I think is the correct term, that many find very helpful on their way, but when your wife and the GF neither one want to have anything to do with any of that, like mine, then they won't do you much good.  You may find those successful polyamorists there that you were originally looking for.

There is also a near fable of a creature out there called a "unicorn" by the polyamory community.  This is when you and your partner find someone that is looking for just what you both have.  Someone willing to be just as in love with you as they are your spouse and they complete the sexual needs and fantasies of both partners while being completely happy themselves.  My wife's GF might have tried a little bit, but in the end, the real relationship was the two of them, and I had to separate myself from it before I lost my mind completely.  Don't forget, these are very rare, or possibly artificial, so be careful even seeking such a creature.

I wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide to do and if you have any further questions, feel free to PM me.

 

Hey Mirky,

Thanks so much for your feedback. Your perspective is very helpful, and I have already received great feedback from people on the polyamory forum to help with this.