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June 7, 2017 4:29 pm  #11


Re: I'm left with little to motivate me...

Kel, 
For some reason, that last post really resonated with me.  You're right, of course...  I'm sure everyone else can see what they did to me and I'm stuck here thinking about her and I, which isn't really even a thing anymore.  I can also see that everyone posting here is of like mind and just want to help each other get through this mess.

Phoenix,
I got a chance to read through most of your story today and I couldn't believe how many similarities there were between our situations and then to see so many others say that same thing.  This is such a strange little group that we all find ourselves in.  I am very thankful that my kids were just mine and we didn't have that to deal with in our separation.  We're planning to have an annulment soon, as we've only been married for four years and have very little to split up.  She does acknowledge that she was the one that did wrong in our relationship and she left me with the house, along with all the old memories from our ten or so years living here.  Thanks for that, I guess.

I also understand that need for being held that you talked about.  I went to a couple strip clubs to try to make myself feel better on that front, but it was only fun while it lasted, and then I felt at least as empty as I did before, if not more.  I can feel so alone sometimes.  I was actually just out cutting up a tree that fell in my yard and when I came in I thought, "(The Wife) would have probably told me that I did a good job and it looked nice."  Immediately, I have to wonder why it is that I feel I need her approval to feel good about what I did?  It makes me feel like a stupid and helpless idiot.  I guess that's what happens when you cohabitate with someone so long.

I saw one person say that they just drank a lot.  Well, I did some of that too...  and it only helps for a little while and sometimes makes the depression worse.  A few times, it left me openly crying like a child, which is not my usual modus operandi.  I usually try to keep my crying sessions private.

I've seen a lot of talk of making a list and that sounds like a great first step.  Something I can look at and get my bearings straight if I start to backslide into inactivity.  I'm only sorry I waited so long before posting here.

Thank you all so much.

 

 

June 8, 2017 7:30 am  #12


Re: I'm left with little to motivate me...

Mirky, 
Isn't it amazing how we can feel like the only person in the world who has ever gone through something like this.. and then find this site and see that most of the people here have incredibly similar stories. 

I'm glad you've identified that strip clubs and alcohol are not the answer.  A lot of people turn to those vices to fill a hole and wind up turning it into a dependency that ultimately ruins their lives.  It's good that you have found out quickly that they won't fix things. 

Making lists is great.  I made two kinds of lists at different points. 
1.  A list to ground myself and stop the earth from shaking.  I made a list of what I was good at.  I made a list of who loved me.  I made a list of what was important to me.  This helped me remember that I have value and am valuable to others and what things/people are most valuable to me.  It's a great reminder when you wake up in the morning..  you are valuable!
2.  A list of things to accomplish.  I needed to get things done to feel better about myself.  Moving forward and being proactive gave me a sense of accomplishment.  

Keep posting Mirky..  lets talk through your questions, concerns and feelings, etc.. 

If you haven't looked into getting a therapist, I would recommend doing that.  Having a real professional in close proximity is very helpful. 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

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