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Mon May 22 2:50 pm  #31


Re: porn addiction he says

It's just another example of gaslighting. If he watches straight porn then we can use the same argument, you're only watching it because you conditioned yourself to I'd so a-ha you're really gay - they would dispute that yet it's exactly in keeping with their logic. These are the type of convoluted arguments a straight partner is used to having, its so tiresome.

 

Mon May 22 3:14 pm  #32


Re: porn addiction he says

You have every right to bow out of the relationship based on past breech of trust.  They will have you think that you somehow owe it to them to support them through this journey - that they had the problem, and you're leaving them amidst them trying to save the marriage.  It's NOT diabetes.  They were in control of their actions, even if they couldn't control who they were attracted to.  You do not owe it to them to trust them if they've shown you that you likely never could fully trust them again.

You do not owe it to them to stay with them when they've betrayed you, lied to you, cheated on you, gas lighted you, abused you.

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Mon May 22 3:19 pm  #33


Re: porn addiction he says

Stonehouse,

Don't worry about "intruding" here.  This forum - in my opinion - is like an open house for those dealing with gay spouse issues.  You don't have to be introduced, you don't have to have the floor.  It's just all of us walking around, talking about different subjects under the same umbrella.  The amount of voices here alone is valuable.  It shows the reader that they are not alone.  And that their situation is not unique.  There's practically a formula.  The more st8 spouse voices, the better.  We all bring different things to the table, too - some bring compassion, some ideas, some maybe a single line that inspires or speaks to a singular reader.  And that's enough.  Then there's those who are mouthy and obnoxious (yours truly).  We need ALL the voices to make this a good place for everyone.  Don't go sticking your head back in anymore.  Just jump in wherever you feel the desire to do so.  You are not a visitor - you are part of this family. 

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Mon May 22 3:42 pm  #34


Re: porn addiction he says

I agree entirely, Kel is right, I so value everybody's words. Please don't think we don't wan to hear your view, take, thoughts on these issues. We're all struggling to understand, the experiences of others really help.

 

Tue May 23 2:28 am  #35


Re: porn addiction he says

Kel, I'm so glad you said that about us all walking around under the same umbrella.

I sometimes struggle with posting .......or rather what I'm posting, I over analysis it wondering if I'll offend someone or if someone will come back and argue with what I've said. I think the situation we find ourselves in has left a lot of us doubting ourselves, our opinions and views.

So Kel that comment has given me the confidence to feel someone may find some comfort in the odd thing I say (and in fact some have and some have actually agreed with me but I still read and re read what I'm writing before hitting Submit!!) And I've just done it again with this post!!! Oh for God's sake woman just hit Submit!!! ;-)
 


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
 

Tue May 23 7:30 pm  #36


Re: porn addiction he says

Someone mentioned earlier a 'type' of man they are attracted to...
I think mine is attracted to anything. The suspect man in the 'stall' was probably 80. It was so gross.
 

 

Wed Mar 7 9:09 am  #37


Re: porn addiction he says

Bec wrote:

Mine claims porn addiction as well.  According to him he has no sexually desire for men at all and couldn't figure out why he watched men at all, but now it all makes since....
Problem is, I don't buy it any more. Regardless why he did it. I've lived 13 years wondering what was so wrong with me that my husband didn't want me. Wondering why sex was always so uneventful, so mechanical when it did happen( once every 3-4 months). Crying myself to sleep.... I can't unremember all that. I can't unsee what I've seen.. It's been a very slow process for me but I'm making progress.

Bec,  mine says it's porn addiction as well.  I've lived 30 years wondering what was wrong with me... right now he has started counselling.  Saying he is giving up porn, and everything will be okay in 90 days... he claims adamantly that he did not know porn could create his lack of desire for me.  He doesn't see that he has continued to make choice after choice of watching porn, lying, getting rid of the cable bills, etc to protect his sham of a marriage.  Right now- I want to move out, but financially- have moved into another room. He says he is not gay.  I still wonder....

 

Sat Mar 10 2:16 pm  #38


Re: porn addiction he says

My husband started by saying it was all a porn addiction. Now he has come out to me as Bi and addicted to porn.

I stayed firm in my belief that straight men DO NOT watch gay porn or tranny porn. Straight boys dont wear their mothers underwear and want anal penetration. They just dont.

 

Sat Mar 10 3:19 pm  #39


Re: porn addiction he says

It seems to me most of our spouses have a porn/sex addiction. I believe it stems from not being satisfied sexually so they lust after what they want through porn. Which increases the want. Then they find themselves GID AND addicted to porn/sex.

 

Thu May 17 5:42 pm  #40


Re: porn addiction he says

Mine too proclaimed years of porn desensitized him to...dicks I guess? My discovery was not porn, I only heard about it after finding emails to CL trannies soliciting sex with pics of his booty hole attached. He says he would use the dialogue from the emails and watch porn at the same time to get off. Men were more verbal, that's why he reached out to trannies. He was never attracted to men however, HIS dialogue in his email suggested touching, sucking, etc.he never met anyone despite the online dialogue since 2003. Never intended to. I never knew the casual encounters section of CL was for chit chat and funny how the emails were sent to the trannies specific to his locations at that time. But yeah, a supposed porn fest. He's so frustrated that I don't believe his story of being a straight man with this super specific issue: enjoying sharing erotic selfies, dirty talk and pretending to meet up with trannies while getting off on porn. It's totally normal...along with the preference of living in separate households while married and no sex drive. I'm the irrational one for doubting his sexual orientation.
But! I love what Kel said about what makes them able to do whatever the hell they want and we have to wait for them to admit their orientation before we decide it's okay to leave... and by them keeping this secret from us they've decided what we're okay with. I didn't get to decide for the six years we were together. And what pisses me off is, he's been well aware of this LONG before we were together. He picked ME online, the single mom with 2 kids and put me through this bullshit. NO MORE

 

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