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Thu May 18 10:26 pm  #1


Not sure what to think...

I met my fiancee last summer, and we fell in love very quickly.  He proposed in December and we've been living as husband and wife since then, though we aren't legally married.  I had only been single a few weeks, and I had never planned on remarrying or falling in love.  

I have two teenagers from a previous marriage that lasted from the time I was 17-31.  My ex husband was abusive to our children, and sometimes to me.

I found out a few months in that my fiancee (DH for future reference) had lied to me about how many women he'd had.  He told me he'd been with fewer than ten partners.  I later found out that it was around 200, and that there had been about five men in there.  He had never told anyone that part.  He'd been single pretty much his whole life, so once he did the math for me, the number didn't seem so staggering.  Of course, I've been with very few people, having gotten married as a teenager.

As new lovers do, I asked him to tell me his deepest fantasies.  He told me everything.  He confided in me in a way he never had with anyone else before.  He has a lot of cuckold and sissy fantasies and likes to think about sleeping with men.  He asked me to try cuckolding him.  I finally decided to try it.  I decided it wasn't for me.  I asked him if it could just be us from now on.  But he always wants to talk about the other things, me sleeping with other men, him sleeping with men, me humiliating him.  Sometimes he will ask if we can go play with men, and sometimes he will ask if I will go play with another man.  Sometimes I think I'm okay with it, sometimes I'm not.  We've settled on what we will and won't do and talk about and for the most part he adheres- sometimes not.

I am in my sexual prime and I have a serious sexual appetite that he doesn't match.  On average, we have sex twice a day.  I would love to have more, but he turns me down.  Our sex is pretty good.

I've told him that I believe he is gay or bisexual, but that he doesn't live that way because of his family.  He points out, fairly, that he had his whole life to sleep with men and only did a handful of times, and that he has no desire to romance or share a life with a man, but that he just likes the thought of sex with men on occasion.

We have other problems, but this is one I'd love to have some advice on.  I love him and he loves me, and the kids are so happy and love him so much.  But sometimes our other issues make me wonder if we will make it.  We've been fighting a lot recently.

Last edited by evoke26 (Thu May 18 10:36 pm)

 

Fri May 19 7:55 am  #2


Re: Not sure what to think...

Sounds like you have a slow war on your hands, His discoveries only the beginning.

Last edited by awake (Fri May 19 7:56 am)

 

Fri May 19 9:53 am  #3


Re: Not sure what to think...

Hi evoke,

I was in a short relationship like the one you're describing.  I was in a very experimental phase of my life, having been in a committed relationship for 16 years with a man who wasn't very interested in sex with me, and certainly not interested in any form of sex that could be remotely considered adventurous.  I'd tried some new things and it turned out I like them more than I thought I would, so that spurned me to try more new things.

I met this guy whom I slept with, but who had the world's tiniest penis.  I felt badly about deciding not to see him again, but I was at the point in my life where I felt like having good, satisfying sex wasn't something I was willing to give up on after my last experience.  I tried to gently break it off, and he started asking questions.  I had no good answer for him - I didn't want to hurt his feelings.  He finally guessed the issue.  I kept denying it, but he seemed..... INTO me telling him "You can't satisfy me."  He quickly said that he COULD make certain that I was satisfied.  How???  He suggested bringing a friend.  Now.... I was floored, to say the least.  I'd heard of threesomes before, but even those seemed like they'd be because all 3 people wanted to be with more than one partner at a time - NOT because one partner couldn't satisfy the other and called in reinforcements!  We kept seeing each other, and he kept on suggesting it.  So I tried it.  I didn't like it.  Despite them both telling me that I would get TWO men solely focused on me, what it felt like was two men both TAKING from me.  It wasn't double the pleasure - it was double the WORK!  I may as well have been a rag doll.  I simply wasn't interested.  I didn't regret trying it - I had learned what I didn't like.  But he was too INTO this cuckold thing.  It's like it was all he wanted.  And it was something that I DIDN'T want.  In my mind, we were at an impasse.

He would cool his jets for a while, and then he'd be right back to talking about it again.  I would tell him that he was NOT turning me on - he was making me want to leave.  He'd then tell me it wasn't something he HAD to have - it was just a fantasy.  Then two days later, he'd be back at hammering about it again.  No!  One time I called his bluff.  We were out to breakfast on a planned day off from work.  He said, "C'mon - it could be a great day."  I said, "What if I said yes?"  He then shocked me by pulling out his smartphone and showing me an ad he'd placed on Craigslist for a partner for us for that day.  Lots of responses already.  What the hell???  He was literally setting things up while I was telling him to back the f off????

He tried to convince me that this was a great deal for me - Iiiii got to sleep with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  HE had to be faithful.  But that's not what this was.  It was about how the thought of me sleeping with someone else excited him.  Which meant that it wasn't about if/when I wanted to sleep with someone else - it was about him pushing me to do so, because that's what on HIS agenda.  It wasn't going to be because I felt like it.  It was going to be because HE felt like me feeling like it.  Hell - he didn't even care if I felt like it - as long as I did it.

I also started to find out that he was sleeping with some of these men (that he wanted to have threesomes with) on the side - himself.  Uck.  So he was all OVER the place.  He, like your fiancee, also wanted to be dominated.  I told him that I wasn't into that.  I prefered to be the less agressive partner.  But he just kept trying to "coax" me out of that shell.  Only... it WASN'T a shell - it was what I liked.  I didn't need to change - he needed to go find a better match.

The thing is, they ALWAYS progress.  What they show you is only a sliver of what's really going on in their brain.  And if you won't do the things they want but they still want to be with you otherwise?  Then they WILL go find someone that WILL do those things - on the side.  It's not a good scenario.

Kel
 

Last edited by Kel (Fri May 19 9:58 am)


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Fri May 19 1:28 pm  #4


Re: Not sure what to think...

I agree, they need these fantasies, and actually they aren't just fantasies are they? If they're between you and kept to the bedroom maybe they're ok but to share yourselves with others, unless you're totally ok with that I'd say it's a deal breaker. I would leave if someone suggested cuckolding to me.

 

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